Page 35 of Enamored
The movie finishes by ten o’clock, and some of our guests are basically walking zombies at this point. The damn city slickers aren’t used to all this fresh air and outdoor activities. Throws people for a loop; they aren’t expecting to want to nap for half the day.
We get everyone back safely, and I say good night to Mom and Dad then head home. I know she won’t be in England yet, but I miss her like crazy.How the hell can I miss someone so damn much?I pull up her Instagram account and scroll through the pictures she’s posted.
There aren’t many with me, but there is one when I stayed with her in Boston that I adore. It’s the two of us by the Charles River. She said she wanted a selfie of us, and right before she took it, I kissed her hard on the cheek. She was laughing so hard, and I started blowing raspberries against her skin, just to keep hearing her laughter.
I see pictures of her from college with friends, and even some with other guys. I scroll past those as fast as I can. I don’t need the reminder that she’s been with other people. If I didn’t fuck things up all those years ago, she could have been with me. Hell, we could be married with a family right now if that’s what she would have wanted.
I would give that girl the world if it means I get to keep her. If it means she gets to come home to me every night and goes to sleep next to me. At this point, I’d even be willing to give up the ranch so we don’t have to spend it apart.
Running my fingers through my hair, I tug the ends in frustration.This is so fucked up.I’ve never wanted anything but to run the damn ranch. To make people see how amazing it is—make them see it how I see it. I want her more than that, though. I know now there is no way my life will be complete without her in it. I feel like myself when she’s with me.
I call Holden, and before he can even say hello, I state, “I can’t be without her for the next few months. What if she comes out here to finalize the plans, and that’s it? What if I can’t convince her to stay? What if she doesn’t love me as much as I love her? Holden, I went ten years without her, thinking I was happy, but I haven’t been. I’ve only been going through the motions.”
“Dude, what the hell are you going on about? You know it’s almost midnight, right? I have company. I’ll talk to you tomorrow when you’re not drunk.”
“I’m not—”
The line goes dead before I can finish, and when I pull it away from my ear, the call ended screen flashes before turning dark again. I need to make some grand gesture to show her I’m serious about trying to make us work. I pull a notebook out and jot two ideas down before I yawn and want to close my eyes.
Move to Massachusetts.
Propose to Lana.
Neither is doable yet, considering we’ve only been dating for a little over a month, and most of that has been long-distance. I toss my notebook to the other side of the couch and head to the bathroom to shower so I can get to bed.
The bar of soap is almost gone, so I dig under the sink, looking for another bar. I grab a box and notice bright pink.Must be some tampons or something.I smirk, thinking she’s just embarrassed about having them around. She doesn’t have to hide them; it’s not that big of a deal.
I pull the box out and stare at it for a solid minute before my mind registers what it is—an opened box of pregnancy tests. The front says there are two tests in the box, and when I look inside, one is missing. I sit on the toilet seat and stare at the box in confusion.
Was she ever going to tell me? If she had a scare, I’d want to know so we could be more careful. It had to be negative, right? She didn’t want to scare me, so she took the test and tossed it because it was nothing to worry about. I look at the small trash can next to me, contemplating my next move.
She wouldn’t have tossed it in here, would she?
I lean over and dig through the tissues on top until I see an opaque pink plastic top. My hand shakes as I reach for it and pull it out of the trash.
Two lines.
I start to breathe heavily and push a shaking hand through my hair. I close my eyes, trying to calm my racing heart. Two lines means negative, right?No, that’s not right.One line is no; two lines is yes.
Lana is fucking pregnant and hasn’t said a fucking word to me. She left here, flew to another country, carrying my child. My earlier tiredness is gone and has been replaced by full-on anger and adrenaline. I carry the life-changing stick into the bedroom and pace, trying to come up with a good excuse for her not to tell me. After pacing for a solid ten minutes, there’s not a single explanation in the world that makes enough sense.
Is she not going to keep it? Is that why she didn’t want to tell me? Is she afraid I’ll get mad?Is it even mine?Fuck. This whole thing is so fucked up. I always imagined I’d be married for at least a year, have a nice house, and then be able to surprise Mom and Dad with the news that they are finally going to be grandparents.
It’s almost two in the morning. I need to get a little bit of sleep if I’m going to be at the ranch in the morning. I take the fastest shower known to man and climb into bed in just my boxers. I place my hand under my head and take a deep breath.
“What the hell are you thinking, Lana?” I ask to the empty room. I close my eyes and wait for sleep to take me under.
Until I speak with Lana, I don’t want to tell anyone about this, especially Holden. I love him like a brother, but he’s got a big mouth at times, and I don’t want this to get back to my mom and dad. This day seems to be going on forever, though. Lana texted me when she landed, and I fought the urge to yell at her when I got it.
She told me she would call later, but she won’t be able to stay on the phone for long. Her flight back to Massachusetts is tomorrow afternoon, and she told me she wanted to make sure Mrs. Carrington was happy before she left. I’ve been watching the time tick so slowly that at times I’ve thought it was moving backward.
Finally, after dealing with the construction crew and the guests, the moment of truth has arrived. Will she come clean and confess, or will it be just another secret? I swipe the call to answer it.
“Hi, Lana.”
Chapter 19
Lana
