Page 39 of Jackson
She turned in myarms.
“That’s not why Iasked.”
“Then why do you need toknow?”
“I just need something to understand why you do that. What did your father do to make you want to cut yourself? If you can just give me something to help me understand, I can help.” She placed her hand on my stomach and Iflinched.
“I’m asking again, Summer. Stop the questions, okay? Now I have his fucking voice in my head.” I made a conscious effort to not allow the emotion to show in myvoice.
“I only want to understand why, is that so wrong? What was it that he did to you? Did he beat you? Can’t you tell me something? No one cuts themselves for fun,Jackson.”
“I. Like. The. Pain.” I growled out the statement as I pushed my body further into her, pinningher.
I felt her body tremble but she held mygaze.
“Can we find another way?” Her voicecracked.
“I have other ways, Summer. Now quittalking.”
Her probing had done its usual. Just the mere mention of him had his words swimming around my head. As my mouth crashed on hers, I heard him. As the darkness of the night engulfed me, I felthim.
‘Scared of the dark, aren’t you?’he’d say as he locked me in thecloset.
‘You’re nothing but a snivelling shit,’he’d say, as his large, rough hands gripped my chin, forcing my headup.
‘You should have died, Jackson. You killed your mother, did you know that?’he’d scream atme.
‘I don’t think I’ve disliked anything more than you. I begged the hospital to abort you, wash you down the sewer,’he’dsay.
“Jack, stop.Jack!”
I blinked as my vision came into focus. The voices quietened in my head. I took a step back and looked at her. Her face was flushed, her hair was tangled, and her t-shirt ripped. She held her hand to the side of herhead.
“Huh?”
I looked at my hand and saw a fistful of her hair. I opened it and watched the hair fall to the floor. When I looked back at her, her lips were swollen andbruised.
“I killed my mum,” I blurted out, then turned and walkedaway.
“Jack?”
I carried on walking until I got to my bedroom. I closed the doors behind me, sliding the bolt across. I heard her footsteps and the rattle as she tried to open them. I then heard her walk away. I paced the room with my fists gripping the sides of myhead.
“Fuck!” I screamed. I wanted to punch the fuck out of myself for saying what Ihad.
In my confusion, I’d forgotten to lock the internal door, the one leading to the hallway. I had my back to it as it opened and I heard her walk across the room. She didn’t speak at first but placed her hand gently on myback.
“Talk to me, Jack. What did you mean outthere?”
“You need to go back to your room. I can’t do this rightnow.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you at least talk to me. You kissed me like I’ve never been kissed by anyone before. You were like a man hungry, desperate for me. That was beyond passion, that was…well, I don’t actually know what it was. Please, Jack, talk tome.”
I spun on my heels and continued to pace. “You don’t get it, do you? I will hurt you physically, Summer, because that’s all I know. You need to get as far away from me as possible. It creeps over me, it takes over, and I can’t stopit.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What creeps overyou?”
“The anger, the fucking anger. Now go, get out of my sight before I do what I want todo.”
“What do you want to do, Jackson?” she said so quietly I nearly missedit.
“I want to fuck you so hard. I want to hear you scream, cry. I want my name to drip off your tongue as you beg me tostop.”
“So you want to hurtme?”
