Page 20 of All You Need is Alien Love
There’s a low murmur from the crowd. Worried faces stay focused on me and I continue on. “Our latest Alliance intelligence indicates that Layne Madison and his supporters are gearing up to attempt an invasion of this planet.”
The anxious whispers get a bit louder as they circulate throughout the crowd, so I give folks a moment to digest what I’ve just said before I hold my hands up for quiet as I continue. “However, rest assured! We’re not going to let that happen. This is our home, and we’re going to protect it from these evil mofos.”
“Hell yeah, River!” someone screams from the audience, making me grin.
“‘Hell yeah’ is right! We willnotbe bullied by some douche canoe who thinks he can step onto our turf and claim it as his own. We aren’t going to be pushed around and we’re not giving in without a fight. In the famous words of Jason Nesmith from the filmGalaxy Quest, ‘Never give up, never surrender!’”
That elicits a raucous cheer and table pounding among the crowd, and I’m smiling so hard my face hurts. “Now, having said all that, the Alliance could use your help. I’m sure many of you have special talents, abilities, and even connections beyond this world that could prove valuable in the coming conflict. Well, friends, it’s time to cash in any outstanding favors you may have. We need to marshal our forces on all fronts to protect the planet and keep our way of life safe from this danger. Layne Madison and his supporters aren’t like me or you. They aren’t from here or trying to relocate here and integrate among humanity peacefully. No, sirree. They’re coming to take over the Alliance outpost on Earth and stop anyone who gets in their way. After that… we don’t know what they have planned, but considering the massive hate-on they have for the Alliance, I can assure you it won’t be good. Then, add to that the fact a bunch of intergalactic ‘racial purity’ assholes have joined Layne Madison’s forces and I’d say it’s a recipe for a shit storm ofepic proportions. Wemuststop them from succeeding in their mission at all costs, and we call on you now to stand with us and fight back!”
Just as I expected, everyone in the bar stands, ready to assist us in whatever ways they can. The energy in the air around us is electrifying. Now I know how Bill Pullman’s character must have felt when he gave his rallying speech inIndependence Day.
To my surprise, when everyone quiets down a bit, my friend and former neighbor Tom Jones is the first to step forward. “I can use my long-range satellite to reach out to some of my former intergalactic military squadron buddies. A number of them went into business for themselves as mercenaries and armed security for hire. They’ve got some intimidating firepower and well-armored ships to make invaders think twice.”
“Indeed,” CJ adds in his squeaky chipmunk voice. “My old battalion is on call anytime I need them. As their former general, I can summon them here quite quickly. Our ships have warp capabilities and excellent defense networks. Tom and I used to assist one another on a number of missions.”
Tom high-fives him. “Just like that time we took on a whole fleet of Treturions together. We outmaneuvered them before they even knew what was happening.”
CJ chuckles. “Most definitely. Those were good times.”
I gape at them both. These two karaoke-loving goofballs were old… military buddies?!
“Shut the front door,” I blurt out before I can hold it in.
First, I discover Nirblob’s hidden talents and now this? Lesson learned, I will not make assumptions about my friends ever again. They seriously rock even more than I realized!
Tom gives a relaxed shrug. “Me and CJ used to work together protecting planets in the Zarturion galaxy that were under threat from invaders. A lot of those frontier planets were rich in natural resources that others wanted to plunder for themselves.” A fondsmile of recollection curves his lips. “Those were some fun, action-packed days.”
CJ nods his head in agreement. “Indeed, they were, my friend. Enjoying our retirement here on Earth has been wonderful, but we can jump back in the battle cruiser seat once more to defend what’s ours.”
They high-five again.
I blink at them both. Tom Jones is about as relaxed as my uncle Benji, and without the aid of edibles. He’s the most chilled-out alien I’ve ever met, and it sort of blows my mind that he used to be some kind of military leader along with CJ, who is basically a pint-sized cutie pie I never would have imagined being a general. Nowadays, the two of them make their livings as Tom Jones and Elvis impersonators, respectively.
I can’t quite reconcile that present with this past they’ve shared. These two have far more mysterious and unexpected backstories than I ever imagined. When all of this is over, I need to learn more about their lives before they came to Earth!
Then I frown as my brain comes fully back online after that surprising revelation. “What do you mean, long-range satellite?”
Tom chuckles. “It’s that big satellite on my roof, hiding in plain sight.”
I gasp and point an accusing finger at him. “I freaking knew it!” I immediately turn to my uncle, who’s sitting on a stool at the bar a few feet away. “Benji!I was right all along. Itisa special satellite to communicate with his alien brethren in outer space.”
Benji nods sagely. “You called it a long time ago, Tigger. Right on.”
A small part of me feels both vindicated and validated in knowing that my suspicions about that huge satellite on his roof not being for cable TV was spot on. Take that, fools who called me a conspiracy-theory nut. I’m a motherfucking pro when it comes to uncovering extraterrestrials on Earth on the down low!
I mentally pat myself on the back.
Kai clears his throat. “If we can get back to the topic at hand? We need to formulate our strategy for dealing with these invaders.”
Thank goodness for my hubby-boo helping keep this critical conversation on track.
“Kai’s right.” I give Tom and CJ a pointed look. “Although I will totally be talking to you both about all that later, but for now, please do reach out to your friends if you think they can assist us. We need all the help we can get, and the sooner the better.”
Tom and CJ both give me thumbs-up.
“We’re on it,” Tom assures me.
“We’ve got your back, River,” CJ adds.
