Page 79 of The Fear of Falling
There’s only so much I can do unless he decides to change his solitary life. I can’t make that choice for him, and I can only fight for a relationship for so long.
“This isn’t over,” I tell him, hating the way I don’t sound as confident as I want to be.
Benson studies me for a moment, and his gaze softens just enough to give me hope. “I know,” he mutters, then makes his way inside.
Chapter 27
Benson
Andtheawardforthe biggest jerk goes to Benson West, a guy who can’t get his crap together and still hasn’t learned to deal with the consequences of his actions.
Avery deserves more, but I’m in too deep to walk away like I should. Especially after meeting her family. Her parents are awesome and her aunts and uncles seem cool and I already know her cousins are crazy supportive of each other despite being so different. This is how a family is supposed to be, and I’ve never wanted anything more.
That’s not true. I want Avery more. I want to hold her during every sunset and stand behind her whenever she needs support. I want her to make me believe in possibility and futures and family. I want her to see the parts of me no one else sees.
So why am I the idiot who has hardly said a word to her since we left the back porch? Because I’m a jerk. Plain and simple. We played games with her family until nearly midnight, when her grandparents finally declared they were going to bed and kickedeveryone out, and now we’re in her car, on our way back to the office so I can pick up my rental and head back to the hotel room that is starting to feel suffocating. Avery is as quiet as I am, even though she probably wants me to continue the conversation she started on the porch.
She used the wordlove. Not directly, but I would be an idiot to miss the intent behind what she said. She thinks she loves me, but she’s wrong. I’m not the guy people love. I’m a good time for a short time, and I’ve always been okay with that.
That doesn’t feel as true as it used to.
The streets are quiet and empty as we slowly make our way toward the freeway, and this silence is starting to kill me. But what can I say? I can’t tell her that I’ve changed my mind on long distance. I can’t tell her that everything will be okay if we give this thing between us a chance. I can predict how a market will shift and the best ways to adapt a company to their circumstances, but I can’t predict anything about this.
But I need to saysomething. I take a careful breath. “Avery, I—”
The car sputters, making a sort of grinding noise as it jolts and then starts to slow.
“What’s happening?” Avery gasps, staying remarkably calm as she slowly pulls over to the side of the road and turns on her hazard lights. “Oh no, the check engine light just turned on.”
I lean over to look despite not having any idea what’s happening. A burning smell hits my nose, and I quickly try to remember anything I learned when I took an auto mechanics class in high school. It was fun while I was in it, but I’m pretty sure most of the information I learned has since dissipated from my mind.
“Pop the hood?” I ask, though I’m going to look like an idiot as soon as I take a peek at the engine.
Avery groans and drops her head onto the steering wheel. “This is what I get for being too busy to take my car in for maintenance. Eric used to take it in for me, but we’ve been…” She glances at me and grimaces. “You’re perfect, so what are the chances you know how to fix a car?”
I chuckle. “Extremely low. But I can see if there’s anything glaringly obvious if you pop the hood.”
“Uh, how do I do that?”
Laughing now, I slip out of the car and come around to her door, opening it and crouching down to find the lever. I pull it, then grin up at her. “I take it you don’t often look at your engine?”
“Try never.”
“There’s a first time for everything.” Standing, I hold out my hand to her and feel a thrill of excitement when she takes my fingers and joins me. I shouldn’t be this happy that she’s willing to stand next to me in the dark, but I am. Because I am so far gone for this woman that pretty much everything she does brings light into my life.
Once I get the hood lifted up and secure, I turn on my phone flashlight and try to find anything that might explain the engine failure. It all looks normal, which means this is far beyond my limited skill set. “We should call a tow,” I say and start searching for a place that might be open this late.
Avery shivers and ducks under my arm to curl up next to me. It’s not that cold out, somewhere in the sixties, but I’m not going to point that out to her. I will happily hold her as long as she wants me to, even if it’s going to make things harder going forward. “Sorry I’m taking up your entire night,” she says as she wraps her arms around my torso.
I start rubbing my hand up and down her arm as I scroll through my phone. “It’s not your fault. Do you have AAA or anything?”
“Probably? That sounds like a thing Eric would have had me sign up for, but I’ve never needed to use it so I have no idea what my account info would be.”
“That’s okay. I can…” I pause when a set of headlights bathes us in blinding light and a giant SUV pulls up behind Avery’s car. Instinctively, I pull Avery closer to me and praise the heavens I’m with her so she’s not standing out here alone at night. While I’m grateful someone is willing to stop and see if we need help, I’m going to be on my guard.
The driver turns their own hazards on and then steps out of the car, a silhouette coming toward us through the lights. “Hey!” he says, lifting a hand. “Do you need some…Benson?”
A curse slips from my tongue as soon as I recognize the voice. Rather than relaxing at the familiar tone, I tense up more. “Kimball?” I didn’t notice what street we were on, and now I’m wishing I’d paid better attention.
