Page 17 of Heart of Gold
“I’m sorry,” I say, pulling away from his embrace. “This is so embarrassing.”
Shaking his head, he pulls my arm as I try to walk away. “Don’t do that. I know we don’t know each other, but don’t shut down on me.”
“It’s what I do, Phoenix. It’s the only thing I know how to do.”
He shakes his head, “Not around me.”
chapter seven
Gavin
I like the way Daisy is letting me in, but I don’t really know how to process it. I’ve never had a girlfriend before, so there have never been any meaningful conversations. I actually care about the things she is telling me and that is weird.
This past year has changed me. Ever since we found out about Levi’s heart condition, I don’t want to waste any time with anything other than spending it with him. I feel like I constantly need to reel him in, follow him around, and make sure he isn’t doing anything that could cause him stress. Football was the only thing we really had in common so I became more serious about it.
I don’t know how to do the whole girlfriend thing, so I just hooked up with girls to get my mind off of the constant stress of needing to perform on the field. Trust me, the stress of not being as good as my brother is everywhere I go.
I spent the entire summer between junior and senior year in the gym. I would condition from sunrise to sunset. I lifted weights until my palms bled, and I ran drills with one of our assistant coaches until he basically quit on me. Still, my dadwould suggest I wasn’t doing enough. I became obsessed with trying to impress him. I wanted him to say the same things to me that I’d heard him tell Levi a million times.
“You said you wanted to hang out with me,” I acknowledge.
She smirks, “I said that?”
Adjusting myself in the bed to face her, I bop her on the nose with my finger, “Yep, you did. Now you’re stuck with me.”
“Well, this is the last excursion day before we head back to port. If you wanna hang out with your family, I totally get it.”
I tut, rolling my eyes at her. “No fucking way, pretty girl. Today, I’m all yours.”
She blushes, and my stomach twists in knots.
“So, Phoenix Richardson,” she starts, “tell me something about yourself that doesn’t involve football.”
I stare at her for a second, thinking of what I might say, knowing damn well that most of my life is controlled by football. Then, I contemplate telling her to stop calling me Phoenix, but ultimately, I decide to tell her how boring I am.
“Uh... Well, I like to stay home.”
Her brows pinch inward, and she pulls her head back confused, “What do you mean?”
I chuckle nervously, “Well, I’m a homebody. I don’t really like to go out, and I hate parties.”
She glances at the ground, and I instantly regret saying that after what she told me about her mother.
“Me too,” she agrees. “There’s nothing appealing to me about a house full of red cups and drunk guys looking for a decent lay.”
I feel my stomach turn and my face twist, “I don’t want to think about you hooking up with other guys.”
She rolls her eyes, “Come on, hotshot. Stop acting like every single girl in the world doesn’t fall at your feet when you score your touchdowns.”
Feeling defensive, I hold up my hand, “Let me just stop you right there. I play defense.”
She crosses her arms, confused. “And?”
“Well, I’m not exactly out there scoring touchdowns. I’m keeping the other team from scoring them.”
She stares at me like she has no clue what I'm talking about.
“Safety,” I quip. “That’s my position.”
