Page 54 of Night and Day
For the past eleven days he’d been walking around on eggshells, not knowing what to do with himself or what to say to make her feel better. One time, he caught her staring at a pair of toddler sandals she’d purchased a while back. She didn’t hear him enter the room and sat there cradling the shoes against her belly like they were a baby. Watching her had gutted him, and he regretted all the times he’d teased her about spending too much money on baby items.
At some point all the baby clothes, shoes, and toys disappeared from the apartment, as if they’d never been there in the first place. He didn’t have the guts to ask Tamika what she’d done with them. Has she thrown them out or stored them in another location?
Since she left the hospital, every time he’d tried to get her to talk, she shut him down, and the last thing he wanted to do was add to the sadness in her eyes. She used to talk all the time, but since the miscarriage, she didn’t talk much at all.
At least her work wasn’t suffering. During her transition period with SJ Brands, she’d suspended purchasing on her website, and a landing page announced changes to come, encouraging visitors to join her mailing list. Most of her work consisted of conversations on the phone, doing interviews and planning. She’d gone into her new office once for a face-to-face meeting and for the most part acted normal, but he knew she wasn’t well. The problem was, he couldn’t get her to talk to him, and he didn’t want to push too hard.
He went to work each day, going through the motions of taking care of his clients. He was doing such a good job, no one noticed a difference. Only Marvin knew that they’d lost the baby, and that was because he’d seen Anton rush out of the office. He told Anton about a miscarriage he and Erica had also suffered and spouted statistics about how often they happened, none of which helped. What helped was staying numb and pretending everything was okay.
Anton entered the bedroom and found Tamika sitting on the end of the bed, staring off into space. She wore the red cap she’d worn when she showed up at his apartment with the baseball bat, looking for her ex.
As he entered, she immediately perked up and smiled. She was pretending, too.
“Had a good work out?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
They stared at each other in silence. Unspoken words and unexpressed grief hanging between them.
“What’s wrong?” Tamika asked.
This was his opening, an opportunity to get her to talk. “Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
Her face fell. “I’m fine.”
“You keep saying that you’re fine, but I don’t know if I should believe you.”
“Do you want me to lie to you?” Tamika rubbed her hands up and down her thighs and then jerked to her feet. “Actually, we need to talk. I, um… I called Layla. I’m going to stay at her place for a while.”
The words landed like a blow to his solar plexus, robbing him of air. “What? You’re leaving? We should talk about this, Tamika.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. The baby is gone, and I need… a break, okay?” Her eyes were pleading with him.
Anton swallowed down the hurt of rejection. This wasn’t about him. This was about her. He had to remember that. “How long will you be gone?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know… a couple of days, that’s all. I need my friends right now.”
Damn. Another blow. More rejection.
He nodded. “Okay,” he replied, trying to be understanding but not really understanding. They should be in this moment together, sharing their pain and talking to each other, but she was shutting him out.
“Do you need me to take you?” He couldn’t help himself. Despite her making it obvious she didn’t need him, the desire to take care of her remained strong.
Tamika shook her head. “No, I’m fine. I can drive. I’m leaving in a few minutes.”
“Today?” Anton asked, shocked.
“Yes.” She averted her eyes. “I packed a suitcase while you were gone.”
Anton turned away from her. Obviously, she didn’t need him. “Okay. Call me when you get there.”
“I will.”
From the corner of his eye, he saw her walk into the closet. She came out with a large suitcase and overnight bag. Did she need all of that for only a couple of days? He wanted to help her carry the bags but suspected she wouldn’t accept his help.
Tamika paused, turning at the door. “I’ll call you… once I get my head right.”
“Yeah.”
