Page 116 of Seasoned
“I’m good, thanks.”
After he left, Jackie heaved a sigh of exhaustion and paced the room. She’d been driving around for almost an hour, trying to clear her head but couldn’t. She was miserable and heartsick. No doubt about it, she was in love with Tyson, and the thought of being married to him someday had at one time filled her with joy.
But the adoption—something she’d looked forward to for years, had become a roadblock on the way to happiness and proved difficult to get around. In fact, she saw no way to get around it, and she had to face the unimaginable thought of losing him again.
She only had two choices—Tyson or the child she always wanted. What kind of choice was that?
“Hey.” Adelaide came toward her, dressed casually in shorts and a loose-fitting tee, concern for Jackie creased into her brow.
“I’m sorry to come here so late.”
As she sank down on the chair, Adelaide dismissed the apology with a wave of her hand. “It’s only nine o’clock, so it’s not late, and even if you came by at two o’clock in the morning, you know I’d still talk to you. What’s going on?”
“I’m torn about Tyson. I’m in love with him, Adelaide, and I don’t know how in the world I’m going to get over him. Did I make the right decision in sending him away?”
“I can’t answer that. Only you can,” her friend said.
Jackie groaned and sat down beside her. “That’s not what I wanted to hear.”
“I know,” Adelaide said with sympathy in her eyes. “Look, ever since I’ve known you, you’ve talked about your desire to be a mother, and I know you regret not turning to adoption sooner. You have to think about what you want, in your heart of hearts. What would make you happiest?”
“Raising a child with Tyson.”
“But that’s not an option.”
Jackie played with the long dark strands of her black wig. “He wants to stay friends. He’s been texting me every day, keeping me up-to-date on progress with Kendrick. I’m happy for him, for them both, because I know Kendrick wanted to have a better relationship with his father. But as I’m reading the texts, I keep thinking about how much I want that, too—the opportunity to love a child and help them and expose them to new ideas and experiences. There’s more to life than work and spreadsheets and going home to an empty house. I want a family, and I want to give and receive unconditional love. But if I’m going to be with Tyson, that type of future is lost to me because he doesn’t want another child. And I can’t really blame him, because we’re not exactly spring chickens.”
Adelaide nodded slowly. “Then maybe you have your answer.”
Jackie closed her eyes for a moment. “You’re right, I do. I’m not going to be one of those people who gets married and has to forgo having children because her partner doesn’t want any. Those relationships are often fraught with problems.”
“You know about the trouble Renee had in her second marriage because her husband wanted kids and she didn’t. I know of two other couples who were at odds about children, and they both ended up divorced, too. One couple divorced because the wife got pregnant when her husband had specifically told her he didn’t want children. He was very upset because she stopped taking her pills. You’d be taking a huge risk being with a man who’s made it clear he’s not interested in rearing kids at his age.”
“You’re right, which brings me to another decision—a tough one that I didn’t want to make. I can’t keep seeing him, Adelaide. It’s too hard.”
“Are you sure you want to cut him off completely?”
On the drive over she’d thought long and hard about the decision and knew it was the right one. “I want him too much. I want the life I had hoped to have. I…I have to separate myself from him.”
Adelaide’s eyes filled with sympathy. “I understand. You know I’ll be right here if you need me, for support. And you’re not going into motherhood alone.”
“I know.”
Adelaide grabbed both her hands and squeezed. “You’re going to be a mommy!”
Jackie smiled for the first time since she arrived. “I’m going to be a mommy!”
Beaming with happiness, they both hugged.
Please don’t textme anymore. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep in touch. I’m sorry. It’s just too hard.
When Tyson read those words, his senses dulled to everything in Times Square. He didn’t see the swarm of people crowding the sidewalk. He didn’t hear the noise of conversation or smell the exhaust from the honking cars.
For the past two weeks he had kept in touch with Jackie because… He didn’t know why. She’d been clear about her decision to adopt, and he’d been honest about not wanting to raise kids again. Neither had minced words or been willing to compromise, but he couldn’t let go. Now she was telling him he had to.
Erasing Jackie from his life wasn’t an option. They wouldn’t get married, but he’d hoped to continue seeing her, at least.
“Check this out.” Kendrick walked over and presented a colorful flyer promoting an eating tour of the city, from an insider’s point of view. “We could do this tomorrow after my morning appointment, and that way I’ll get in the know about all the cool places where the locals eat, instead of the usual advertised restaurants tourists go to.”
