Page 110 of The Plus One
Jude let out a deep breath, the tension in his shoulders leaving as he drooped and swayed where he stood.
“I guess I need to start saving,” he said, looking at her with tired eyes but a hopeful smile.
Indira collapsed into him, throwing her arms around his neck as she let out a choked sob. “Thank God.”
“You aren’t mad?” he asked, squeezing her tightly.
Indira pulled back, face twisted up in a question. “Mad? Why the hell would I be mad?” she said, dragging her hand down his cheek, then wrapping her fist around his chin.
“I didn’t talk to you about the choices. Trying to go the evaluationroute. I… That’s a lot of money I’ll be paying back and it might impact our future. But I couldn’t… I can’t prolong this process for years. Even this was so exhausting and I—”
Indira cut him off, pressing her mouth to his, silencing his runaway thoughts. “You made the exact choice I would want for you.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Because the choice I want for you is the one you want for yourself.”
Jude dropped his forehead to hers, hands diving into her hair. He laughed, tears rolling down his cheeks. Indira laughed too. It was a sharp, fractured, curly sound. The sound of relief.
“Indira,” he said, voice low. “I need you to know something. It’s important.”
“What?” she asked, pressing forward to lightly press a kiss to his jaw.
Jude took a deep breath, then looked straight into her eyes.
“I am not healed,” he said, eyes steady, dark pools Indira could drown in. “I am not fixed. I can’t promise you I ever will be. But I do promise to work on it. Every day. Every single day. And I think it started with wanting to be with you, but it changed. Morphed.” Jude sucked in another gasping breath.
“Ilikefeeling happy,” he said, a smile breaking across his stern mouth. “And I want that for myself. For us. And I’m going to do whatever I can to make that happen.”
“You’re allowed to be broken,” she said, taking his hands and kissing his knuckles. “And you’re allowed to be repaired. I love every piece of you and however they fit together.”
They held each other tightly for a few minutes, swaying back and forth. Wrung out and exhausted, Jude and Indira eventually let go long enough to gather armfuls of snacks and retreat to her bed, spending the next few hours in a daze of watching TV, kissing, and eating, letting themselves relax for the first time in days.
There were countless things to figure out, work to be done, but they knew work would never be successful without necessary rest.
Here, now—with theBob’s BurgersThanksgiving special playing on loop and chip seasoning dusting their fingers as they laughed and held each other—they had their first page to a new beginning.
A FEW MONTHS LATER
“Ready?” Indira asked Jude as they stood outside an intricately carved wooden door.
Jude turned to her, smile wide and boyish. “Let’s do it.”
With a deep breath, Indira opened the door and led the way into their first couples therapy session.
After they filled out some paperwork, their new therapist, Dr. Brosta, greeted them and ushered them into her bright office.
“Why don’t we start with why you’ve decided to come to couples therapy,” she said, taking a seat on her plush chair. “What do you hope to gain from this experience?”
Jude and Indira glanced at each other, hands clasped as they sat on the small, comfortable couch. Jude nodded at Indira to start.
“We’ve both been through some shit,” Indira said, giving Dr. Brosta a goofy smile and shrug. “Like, a lot of shit, actually. And while a lot of that occurred outside of our relationship, we want to make sure that it doesn’t… I’m not sure exactly how to phrase it.”
Indira glanced at Jude again.
“We’re really happy in our relationship,” he said, picking up her thread. “And we don’t want to lose that.”
Dr. Brosta nodded, offering them a warm smile.
