Page 125 of Salute, To Bravery
I paced back and forth.
I couldn’t live like this anymore. I couldn’t live like I was okay when I wasn’t. I couldn’t live on autopilot. I missed work. I missed the animals I used to help. I missed Violet.
I missed her laughter, her eyes, her voice, and her soul. It was a desperate kind of missing. The feeling I had towards her was desperate; it was like she was clean air.
I couldn’t help but sink into her imaginary voice. It was like a melody with no ensemble. It was like drowning but being saved when no one was around. It was a miracle.
I looked at my phone. Still no text messages, still no distractions. I threw the phone onto the bed and felt tears in my eyes as they buried themselves into my skin.
This was what it was like to be an auto-pilot.
This was what it was like to be numb and have no way out.
Chapter Ten.
Violet
The morning felt rushed. I could barely get out of bed before my phone blew up. I loved what I did, but at the same time, once you became a big name, the work never ended.
Since I’d finished Sarah’s website, my business had been booming. I loved it. My name was getting out there; my business and my skills were emerging into society. It was . . . electrifying.
It was as if I were a machine. I was making my clients’ websites in no time. I was making each one unique, yet in my style. It was great to be so creative. I was thinking outside the box for transitions, templates, and layouts. It was exhausting yet freeing. I feltalmostcomplete. The only thing missing was Ophelia.
I missed Ophelia so much. It felt like a piece of me was missing, which was strange. We barely knew each other, yet she was an enormous piece of my life, of my heart, and of me.
My phone rang, and Ophelia’s profile photo appeared on my screen. I answered immediately. Butterflies erupted in mystomach, but they disappeared when I heard sniffling instead of the energetic voice that I was used to.
“Hey,” I said quietly and softly, “are you okay?”
“No.” Her voice wasn’t strong; it sounded like she had been crying. “I miss everyone. I miss you. It feels like I’ve been on autopilot and not living. I feel numb. I hate feeling numb.”
I looked for the words to say, but there were none. I just sat there and listened to Ophelia complain about how hard life was without her support group. It was devastating to see how broken she was. My heart broke as she started to cry again.
“You’re safe,” I continued to repeat.
A strong urge to bring her home, hug her, and comfort her came over me. I wanted to do something, but I couldn’t. I felt helpless.
“No, I could be dead at any moment. We both know how China feels about Japan. We both know how Russia feels about Japan. It’s a mess. Politics is a mess, and here, I’m surrounded by it, and I hate it.”
I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t make it about myself, but I wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone in this. I needed her to know that she wasn’t alone in her feelings.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” I asked.
“Just sit here with me and listen. You don’t have to say anything. I just need you to be here with me.”
“Okay.”
I sat on my couch and listened to Ophelia empty out her feelings. I knew I couldn’t do anything, so I just sat and listened. She didn’t want advice; she didn’t want a fix to the situation. Ophelia needed someone to listen. I was willing to do anything to help her, even if it meant reliving my days in the Air Force, even if it meant triggering myself again. I wouldn’t allow myself to be triggered while she was on the phone. I would allow myselffive minutes of freak-out time after this, but then I would get back to work.
After about thirty minutes of mourning the people she missed, she relaxed. She wasn’t crying anymore. She spoke with confidence again.
“I miss you,” Ophelia whispered.
“I miss you, too. Everyone misses you,” I breathed.
Ophelia laughed softly. “I bet they do.”
We stayed on the phone for a few silent minutes. It was comforting to hear her breathe normally, to know she was there, knowing that she was okay. All of it was reassuring that we were going to be okay.
