Page 124 of Salute, To Bravery
“So, what do you do?” the blonde asked me.
I looked up from my plate. “Are you asking me?”
“Yes,” he laughed, “who else would I be asking?”
I laughed softly, not knowing what else to say. “I’m a flight engineer. I make sure the aircraft are good for flying,” I said.
“That’s cool,” the person sitting beside me said. She had natural red hair and was stunning. Her beauty reminded me of Violet. Sadness washed over me…I miss her.
“Thank you,” I replied. “What do you guys do?” I asked, trying hard to hide the distant sadness.
The redhead responded proudly, “I’m a pilot.”
The blonde then answered, “I’m a chemist,” and flashed a smile my way. “So I work with a lot of weapons and how to make things explode.” We all laughed as he continued, “I hope none of them have to be used, but you never know.”
“You never know,” I repeated.
“I’m Jessica,” the redhead said.
“I’m Ophelia.”
“Nice to meet you.”
We finished our breakfast in a more comfortable silence, and then we went our separate ways. Relief washed over me as I left the building and was met with warm air. I loved summer, its golden glow and aesthetic. I also loved the late-night talks and hot days at the beach. I couldn’t wait to go back home and go to the beach. The tsunami had badly destroyed the beaches here, so no one could go on them unless they were clean-up crew.
I went back to my room to finish getting ready. This was gonna be a long day, full of meetings, so I needed to be prepared. I looked around the empty room; there were bunks everywhere. I remembered how I used to make friends with everyone, but here’s the thing with that: you didn’t know which people would be going home.
I looked at my watch and started to run towards the meeting buildings. I knew that today’s meetings would be about the new aircraft that we were getting and its procedures.
The meeting ran long. I knew it was important. The lives of others belong to the aircraft, so if the aircraft wasn’t working, it was our fault, not theirs. Their lives were in our hands, yet I couldn’t stop yawning and focusing on other things, like the beach.
After the meeting, I ran back to my room to check my phone. I was saddened when I saw I had no new notifications. My heart stopped for a moment when I heard giggling from outside the door, and then a group of girls came in. All of them were laughing and talking, all confident in what they were doing with their lives.
Anguish fell over me like a thrashing wave.
No more daydreaming. I was here to work, nothing else. I couldn’t continue to daydream about my girlfriend. My job needed me, so I needed to focus.
I put my phone away and headed to the recreational building. The person at the front desk, Ryker, greeted me with a smile. A shy smile appeared on my face, greeting him back.
I went on the treadmill and started my one-mile run. After about seven minutes, I hopped off and started the rest of my workout.
An hour later, I headed towards the showers. I turned on the water and started to take off my clothes. Feeling the water rush over me felt like a miracle. It washed away my anxiety. The water soaked into my skin as I washed my hair with the provided shampoo. I skipped the conditioner because of my short hair. I didn’t need a conditioner.
I quickly finished, then dressed and did my hair. I looked at my watch and realized I was about to be late for another meeting. So, I ran across the base and into the brick building. I went to a room labelled 101 and was just on time.
???
After half an hour, I finished the meeting and felt numbness drive me to the dining hall. I sat and ate alone.
When I was here, it felt like I wasn’t living, like I was on auto-pilot about to dive into a cliff and not being able to stop the plane. It felt like I was drowning in the clean air around me. Screaming wasn’t an option for any of it, though it felt like the right thing to do. When you feel trapped or like you’re dying, you scream; that’s a natural reaction. But this… this wasn’t a natural reaction. I was in the dining hall, putting my plate up, yet I was trying not to have a panic attack.
What would Dorthy do?
She would tell me to take a deep breath and try to ground myself. Afterward, I would try to figure out why I felt this way.
I looked around for five things I could see: people, army base, tanks, machinery, and uniforms. Then I named four things I could hear: chit-chat about the tsunami, people talking about the weather, people talking about the people they saved, and the cooks. Three things I could feel: my clothes, my hair, and the hot breath in my throat. Two things I could smell were food and sweat. Then one thing I could taste was my leftover pizza from dinner.
It helped, but not much. I started to count my fingers and took deep breaths as I walked back to my room. When I got there, no one was there.
