Page 61 of Meet Me at Christmas
“Of what—happiness?”
“Of…” She couldn’t finish the thought. She still couldn’t say out loud that she was afraid she’d be a hinderance for Henry because she couldn’t have his children, that he’d always wanted a house full of them—his own, and that she’d thought that by leaving, she would free him up to have that. “Of my shortcomings,” she finally verbalized.
“You had no shortcomings to us or Henry.”
Tears filled Stella’s eyes as she mustered up the strength to explain. “There’s something important I never told you. Something that happened before I left.” She’d never told a soul, and she struggled to get the words out. If only Pop could’ve been there right then for support.
“I’m always here.”The memory of his words from the day she left Leiper’s Fork came back to her. Stella took in a deep breath, channeling his smile as she told her mother about the miscarriage and diagnosis that prompted her to leave. Everything spilled from her lips as if it had been waiting to be told, each word lightening her burden a little more than the last. When she finished, she squeezed her hands together, intertwining her fingers the way she used to do with Pop when she held his hand.
“Oh, Stella… Why didn’t you tell us?” Mama asked, tears streaming from her eyes. “We would’ve been there for you to support you.”
“I just couldn’t. It was too overwhelming.”
“Did Henry know?”
She shook her head. The tears became a deluge. “My whole life was ripped away in that one moment at the doctor’s office, and if I tried to talk about it, I would’ve crumbled.” Her heart broke again for the life she’d lost. “But the pain is still very real.”
“My sweet girl. I’m so sorry.” Mama swept her up in a hug.
It was the first time she’d allowed herself to grieve. The fear of never having a family of her own, the sadness of losing a child, and the loss of her future with Henry had come tumbling out. Yet another part of her felt relieved; it was easy to after telling Mama. Yet Stella hadn’t ruinedherlife or brokenherheart.
“You have to tell Henry,” Mama said quietly.
“I don’t know if I’m ready.” Stella laid her head on Mama’s shoulder and wept.
But maybe Mama was right. Henry deserved to know why she’d abandoned him, no matter how difficult the situation would be.
Eighteen
Stella spent a few hours at the town library, researching and working on her article after her talk with Mama. She felt lighter and able to focus. When she returned home, Henry was sitting on the porch steps, waiting for her. She pulled up next to his truck and parked her car.
When she got out, he stood and slipped his hands into his pockets, bunching up his thick coat at the waist of his jeans.
“Hey.”
His pensive look gave her pause, but she forced herself to move past it. Anytime he wasn’t openly grinning, she worried he’d remembered. The caution in his look right now made her wonder.
She climbed the steps, her fingers brushing the greenery-draped railing, and met him on the porch. “Didn’t get enough of me this morning?” she asked lightheartedly to test the waters.
He grinned easily, the old Henry beaming from his face, and she had to remind herself to breathe as relief flooded her.
“I was wondering if you’d want to come over to my house for a little while. There’s something I’d like to show you.”
That was a difficult question, but she replied, “All right,” and followed him to his truck.
The ride to the cabin was quiet and the silence felt heavy, as if he wanted to tell her something but was waiting until they arrived. When they got inside the cabin, she couldn’t stand the suspense one more second.
“What did you want to show me?”
He gestured for her to sit down on the sofa, then lowered himself next to her. Their legs were too close, and her heart pounded as she fought to keep her emotions steady.
She swallowed, slipping off her coat and draping it on the arm of the sofa, keeping her head turned toward him so she couldn’t see their former bedroom.
“Did you remember something else?”
He nodded.
“What?” she asked, nearly breathless.
