Page 71 of The House on Firefly Beach
“Please,” he said, offering her one and pulling out a chair at the oversized bar that separated the space between the kitchen and living room.
Sydney sat down, wanting to move things along.
Nate lowered himself on a barstool beside her and wrapped his hand around his iced tea. “Would you like to tell me why you think I want to take Starlight Cottage from you?”
She turned toward him. “I know you’re on the board, Nate. Stop trying to avoid this.”
A small smile twitched around his lips. “Is that why you’re so angry with me?”
Was he serious right now? She hopped off her barstool and cut her eyes at him. “Yes, Nate,” was all she could get out for fear she’d reach over and shake him by the shoulders. Frustrated beyond belief, she walked over to the large glass doors that overlooked the pearly white sand and the restless waters beyond.
Nate came up behind her, looking over her head at the view. Then suddenly, his voice was at her ear, causing goose bumps down her arm. “Iamon the board,” he said softly. “And I’ve bought all the lots for the public beach access, which I will be donating to the county.”
She felt the prick of tears. Finally, he’d admitted it. But even worse than the realization of the truth, was the fact she knew there was no more Nate Henderson left. He was now entirely Nathan Carr, because Nate Henderson would never have done this to her. She wiped a tear away quickly, but Nate turned her around before she could clear the emotion from her face.
“You asked me why I came back to Firefly Beach,” he said, wiping another of her tears. “In order to truly answer that, I have to explain why I’d ever left in the first place.” He took her hand and walked her over to the sofa, gently pulling her down beside him. “If you’ll give me your time right now, I want to tell you everything. I’ve been trying but I haven’t gotten it right. I need you to give me this. You don’t owe it to me, but I’m asking you. Let me tell you everything.”
“Okay,” she finally said, literally praying that some miracle would fall from the sky and make everything better.
“You are an incredible writer,” he said. “You got that writing opportunity to travel the U.S., remember?”
She nodded, hanging on his every word. She wanted to know why he’d left, in his own words.
“But what about the chance you didn’t explore? Your professor gave you two opportunities that year: the one in the U.S., but also one to live in Africa for two years, and you never filled out the paperwork.”
What did any of this have to do with why Nate left? “I couldn’t leave Firefly Beach,” she said with a disbelieving laugh.
“I know that—you told me. But why? What was the reason you didn’t want to go?”
She didn’t want to admit it now, after everything. He had to know the answer to that already. But she needed him to be honest with her, so she decided she should be too. “It meant that I had to spend two years away from you.” She stared at him as she said it, driving home the fact that she hadn’t wanted to spend even two years away, let alone a decade. He needed to know how much he’d hurt her.
He leaned in, his fingers brushing hers. “I couldn’t allow you to give up your dreams because of me. I never expected to be the successful writer of the two of us. Going to LA was my cover for removing myself from your life so that you could go on and do amazing things without me holding you back.”
This revelation hit her like a ton of bricks. All these years, she’d thought he saw her as lesser when really he thought she was more. A tidal wave of emotions flooded Sydney as she sat in front of Nate, completely exposed. “When you left, you never even looked back. Not once,” she challenged him, brushing a tear away. “I waited, staring at your rear-view mirror for just one tiny indication that you cared at all that you were tearing my heart out as your truck headed down the drive. You never. Looked. Back.”
Nate leaned into her personal space, peering down at her, his hand resting on her arm, his eyes brimming with emotion. “There was a moment where I didn’t know if I could make it out of the drive. I had to force my foot to stay on the gas, because I knew that I’d never feel for anyone else the way I felt for you.” His touch moved down her arm until his fingers found hers and finally came to rest intertwined in her own the way they used to do without even thinking about it, all those years ago. “If I’d have looked back, I would’ve faltered.” He bowed his head as if the memory of it had stolen his breath and he needed a minute to recover. “I thought I was doing the right thing, giving you the space you needed to be great.”
“I didn’t need space to be great, Nate. I neededyou.”
“I thought I was in your way.” He shook his head. “You’re the best writer I’ve ever known. Why didn’t you continue, Syd?”
“I couldn’t do it without you,” she said, the ache burning her chest like it had the day he’d left.
“That’s not true. You don’t need me to be great.”
“But I have to be happy to write, and you made me the happiest.”
“I was just a boy from Firefly Beach. I never really expected to be anything more than that. And I knew how much you wanted to stay with me. It terrified me because your talent overwhelmed me. I didn’t want you to wake up one day, stuck in this little town, wishing your life could’ve been different. I knew the only way to make you move forward was to cut ties. In my young brain, I’d thought it had been the right thing to do. But the more I tried living without you, the more I wanted to prove myself, to prove that I was worthy enough to be with you. When I looked at you, I knew I needed to be something great. For you.”
“This doesn’t make any sense,” she said, breathless.
“I’ve been walking around quietly heartbroken, missing you for years. I stayed quiet when I wanted to speak. I stayed away when I wanted to run to you.” He lightly ran his thumb over her hand. “You said you kept our ring to remind you of what you don’t want, and all my fears came true.” He hung his head and took in a deep breath before letting it out. When he looked back up at her, his eyes glistened with tears. He cleared his throat.
“That’s not… I didn’t mean it.”
His eyes found hers. “This house, the boat outside, the truck that we used to ride in—it’s all for you. I came back for you. I thought I lost you when you married Christian. I even called you, but I felt awful for meddling in your life when you’d moved on… I lost you once when we were young, and again when you married Christian. I wanted to give it everything I had this time. I wanted to do it right.”
Sydney swam out of her feelings, trying to keep her head in check. “Then why in the world would you get on the Board of Supervisors and put Starlight Cottage in jeopardy?”
