Page 9 of First Comes Marriage
She would never be his priority. His choice.
Any forlorn hope she’d had of having anything more with him shattered to pieces. There was never going to be any such thing between them and the sooner she accepted that fact, the better it would be for her. She needed to realise that what hadn’t happened in twenty-nine years of her life wasn’t going to happen now. She wasn’t suddenly going to become someone worth doing something for.
Reshma shook her head, though whether she was shaking it in denial or disbelief, she couldn’t say for sure. She pressed her fingers to her chest and then her forehead, trying to hold the pain at bay.
Her mind went back to the day before, when, in her naivety, she’d celebrated Zafar’s arrival – thanked him for it,for God’s sake– but had been completely oblivious to his true motive, and she covered her face with her hands, feeling the sting of tears prick the corners of her eyes. Really, whenwasshe going to learn? What would it take for her to stop having expectations of people who were never going to live up to them?
She’d been with Zafar for long enough for him to have shown her that she was an important part of his life and he hadn’t. What more proof did she need? She’d seen him up close and knew how he was with those he cared about, but he’d never connected with her in a way she had always hoped for. Like a true partner.
She had never expected declarations of undying love from him, she knew how far-fetched a dream that was. But she had expected honesty from him. Honesty and perhaps friendship. But the only thing she seemed to have was cold civility. Maybe even indifference. While she, in all her naivety and gullibility, had fallen for everything he represented.
And what did she have to show for it?
She had one more person proving that her existence in his life, or lack thereof, was one and the same thing and he had only shown up because he’d been asked to. To keep up appearances.
‘Reshma? Look at me, please. I swear to God I was going to tell you what led to me coming here. I was just waiting for the right opportunity. I’ve never lied to you before and I wouldn’t start now.’
Reshma moved her hands away from her face, glad that the tears that had threatened to fall hadn’t. She didn’t want to show Zafar any more evidence of the hurt he’d caused her. She took a few deep breaths before she looked at him, his expression sombre.
‘I’m sorry that this is how you found out. I was just waiting for the right time to tell you. And I’m glad I’m here, honestly.’ A corner of his lips lifted but she wouldn’t call it a smile.
She had no idea what to say or do in that moment. Her mind was both full and empty, and nothing made any sense to her.
She didn’t know how long they stayed in the same place, her sitting on the edge of the sofa and Zafar standing there awkwardly, the only noise in the room coming from the humming of the air-conditioning unit.
The doorbell rang three times in succession and Reshma swung her gaze to the bedroom door, as if that would tell her who was there.
‘You were going out with your cousins, weren’t you?’ Zafar asked as the doorbell rang again.
It was probably Saleema and Haniya, finally ready to leave.
Reshma internally laughed at the irony of the situation. If her cousins had been ready on time and if she hadn’t decided to be considerate and bring Zafar breakfast, she would have been none the wiser and would have carried on with her day, blissfully happy in her little bubble for a bit longer.
If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas.
Reshma got up, pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind. ‘That’s probably Saleema and Niya. I’m not sure if that coffee is still warm enough to drink. If not,feel free to make yourself another cup.’ She walked to the door and paused, turning to face him. ‘And feel free to book your flight back to London. You don’t need to be here, certainly not for me. Go back home, Zafar. I’ll let my family know that there were important things that needed your attention.’
And with that, she left the room and made her way downstairs, grabbing her bag and phone before she left the villa on wooden legs.
5
Zafar
It wasn’t often Zafar turned the air blue. He was usually calm and composed, choosing to deal with situations practically and logically. The introduction of emotions tended to affect a person’s ability to make sound decisions and he’d been trained to be a damned good decision-maker, keeping feelings out of the process. Cold hard facts couldn’t be argued with and he always ensured he had plenty in his arsenal, something he’d learnt at his grandfather’s knee.
But this morning he’d been caught completely off guard. First by his mother’s phone call and then finding Reshma standing there looking like she’d seen a ghost. Not only did he have nothing in his arsenal, he’d not even been able to defend himself well enough to warrant a conversation with Reshma.
She’d told him to leave and had walked out of the room without looking back.
To be fair, it wasn’t any more than he deserved. He should have plucked up the courage and just told her what he had to when he’d woken up. Or, better yet, he should have told her everything in the car yesterday on their way to the restaurant. None of this would have happened then.
He spotted the tray on the table. There were pastries and a mug of coffee, and when he touched the side ofthe mug, he could feel that it was still warm. A hollow pit opened up in his gut at the stark difference between him and Reshma. She’d brought him coffee and pastries before leaving and he’d made her feel like an inconvenience.Unimportantwas the word she’d used.
Running out of expletives, he sat next to the spot she had just occupied and picked up a pain au raisin. It was sweet and flaky, a perfect accompaniment to the rich coffee, but it might as well have been cardboard for the enjoyment it gave him in that moment.
He felt like crap on so many fronts, but none more than the fact that he felt like a failure as a husband. He’d seen evidence of that, crystal clear in Reshma’s eyes as the spark in them had gradually dimmed to nothing in seconds. Gone.
He finished the coffee and made his way into the bathroom, hoping that standing under a blast of hot water would help fire up his brain cells enough to come up with a plan of action. Sitting there and ruminating wouldn’t get him anywhere.
