Page 8 of First Comes Marriage
Force you? Sent you?
Was Zafar’s mum saying what Reshma thought she was?
She lowered the slightly shaking tray onto the table beside the sofa before she dropped it.
‘Her name is Reshma, Mum. Please stop referring to her asthat girl, it’s not nice. I’ve told you before.’
His mother huffed. ‘Fine. But my point still stands. If she’d gone by herself, then that was her choice. I don’t understand why your father insisted that you go after her. You hadn’t planned to go with her, otherwise the two of you would have gone together or you would have joined her there of your own accord. When I told him as much, he started talking to me about the family’s reputation, for God’s sake, asking me what the Mirs would think if no one else from our family was there. I’m not sure why it’s not good enough for him that you didn’t want to go.’
‘Mum, stop stressing about this, please. All Dad said was that it doesn’t look good if Reshma is out here by herself and that I should be here with her. He’s not wrong. It’s really not so bad and it’s only for a couple of weeks.’
Reshma sucked in a shuddering breath, feeling it sharply in her chest, like she was slowly being stabbed with an icicle, the cold spreading from the centre of her chest throughout her body despite the tropical temperature.
Zafar wasn’t here because he wanted to be. He hadn’t come here to be with her. He was here because he’d been told to … No,forcedby his father. She’d misunderstood his appearance because her family had decided to surprise her and he’d allowed them to. He’d allowed her to believe that he was there because it was where he wanted to be, and like the fool she was, she’d thought he was there for her. She’d wanted it so much that she’d gullibly believed it to be true.
‘Reshma?’ Zafar was standing on this side of the patio door now, his phone in his hand by his side and confusion lacing his voice. ‘I thought you were going out?’
Reshma shook her head as she slowly lowered herself onto the sofa, nearly missing it but righting herself in time.‘I’m such an idiot.’ Her voice started out as little more than a whisper. ‘I should have known. You said no to coming here. But I let myself get caught up in the moment when everyone arrived. I should have known.’
‘Shit.’ She heard him mumble. Then he spoke a bit louder. ‘I was going to tell you, Reshma. That’s what I wanted to say this morning, but it’s not …’ He ran a hand through his hair, the strands sticking out at all angles. ‘What part of that conversation did you hear?’
Reshma looked up at him, her shock slowly giving way to an emotion she hardly ever felt, believing it to be one which never served any purpose but left a person feeling drained of energy and hollow.
Anger.
At the situation. At him. But more than that, anger at herself. When was she going to learn?
Every moment in her life in which she had felt let down, an afterthought or unimportant flashed through her mind’s eye as she sat there, feeling numb but also acutely sensitive to all the feelings that were giving her an emotional bashing.
Her father not stepping up to his responsibility to care for her – his only daughter and the last link to his deceased wife, who he had claimed had once been the love of his life.
Her maternal grandparents rejecting her because she reminded them too much of the daughter they’d lost.
Her father promising and then failing to ever live up to any promise of being with her and ultimately showing her that there was no place for her with his new wife and children.
She closed her eyes, trying to even her breaths which were sawing in and out of her, but all that did was intensify each and every memory of moments that had left an indelible mark on her. It was strange how, even now, she could feellike that child her father had left with his brother, except this time, she wasn’t feeling like that because of her father.
But because of Zafar.
The man she had chosen to marry after her uncle had suggested the match, but the man who had never made the effort to forge a relationship with her. In the thirteen months they’d been married, it had always been her who made the effort, only to be met with a lacklustre response. He was always civil and polite, but wasn’t there more to marriage, even an arranged one? Didn’t she deserve more?
It was clear to her that he didn’t want to be with her. He had only married her because she had been his father’s and late grandfather’s choice, the man she knew Zafar revered above all others.
He never did anything with her because hewantedto. It was always because he had to or because it was perceived to be the right thing to do, like coming to Mombasa. What had his mother said? Oh, yes. Family reputation. Something that meant a great deal to Zafar.
She was pleased to hear that her voice was devoid of all emotion when she opened her eyes and responded to his question. ‘Enough to know that you’re not here because this is where you want to be. You’re here because your father told you to be here and being the model son you are, you did as you were told to.’
He took half a step forward and then stopped. ‘It’s not just that, Reshma. I can see that it was the right thing to do. You do so much for me and my family, it’s only fair that if you want to—’
‘So, it’s payback then, is it? You think you owe me one?’ Her anger bubbled to the surface.
‘What? No, that’s not it. I just … This isn’t how I wanted to have this conversation.’
Reshma scoffed. ‘I don’t think you were going to have this conversation at all, otherwise you would have told me the truth yesterday. You told me it wasn’t your plan to come here and surprise me, but you never said that you were here because your father made you come.Forcedyou, in fact. You didn’t say that had it been up to you, you would not be here at all. Because, the fact of the matter is, Zafar, that you don’t want to be here with me. I’m not important enough, I’m not your priority. You do things with me because you have to or they’re expected of you. Nothing is ever forthcoming fromyou. And, like an absolute idiot, I actually thought you were here because you wanted to be, when that’s never been the case before.’
‘That’s not true, Reshma. You are important. And I really was going to tell you about Dad encouraging me to come. I wasn’t lying when I said I had a lot of work to do and didn’t think I could afford to take a lengthy break from it.’ His voice had an urgency to it, but it was completely lost on her.
She couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been. She’d actually thought he’d wanted to be here. That he’d realised that fact after she had left. He’d discovered that he did want to spend time with her and had followed her out here. But how wrong she had been.
