Page 71 of A Life Imagined
“What happened in the dream?”
“I let you fuck me.”
Rayan’s breath surged from his lungs.“And did you like it?”
“You certainly seemed to know what you were doing.”
“I do.”
Mathias raised an eyebrow.“You gave me the impression you had a preference.”
“With you, yes.”
“But not with others?”
“Not always.”
Mathias rolled over to look at him.“Exactly how many men have you fucked?”
“I’m not answering that.”
There was an amused glint in Mathias’s eye.“And women?”
“What are you getting at?”
“I’m asking how many women you’ve fucked.”
There had been just one, when he was maybe fifteen—an ex-girlfriend of Tahir’s who thought she could get back at his brother by going after him.Rayan hadn’t been particularly interested, yet he also knew the chances of replicating such an opportunity on his own were slim.He felt a flatness around women that he thought would disappear when he was actually with one.It didn’t.The experience had been clumsy and regrettable.Later, feeling like he’d broken some unspoken rule, he confessed to his brother.Tahir had found the whole situation hilarious, furthering Rayan’s mortification.
“Enough to be sure I had no interest,” Rayan shot back.
“You’re adorable, you know that?”
“Do I want to know how many people you’ve fucked?”
Mathias reached up to graze his fingers across Rayan’s lips.“No, you don’t.But would it help to know that only one of them has ever meant anything?”He grabbed the front of Rayan’s shirt and pulled him down.“Here’s your chance, Rayan,” Mathias murmured against his ear.“I’m all yours.”
Rayan had never thought to consider the prospect because he loved what they had—nothing felt as good as submitting to Mathias—but also because he’d assumed that was a line of surrender Mathias was unable to cross.
He attempted to keep his voice steady while his heart pounded in his chest.“And have you not remember?”
“You’d remember.”
Rayan kissed him hard.His hand found the curve of Mathias’s jaw, tilting his head back as the man opened his mouth.He felt the warmth of Mathias’s tongue against his own, urgent, wanting, and Rayan was struck by an unfamiliar surge of power.Their normal balance had flipped.He climbed on top of Mathias and pinned his arms to the bed.He felt, in that moment, like he could do anything he wanted.It was painfully arousing and, at the same time, scared him out of his mind.
Mathias was breathing heavily, and Rayan could feel the firm outline of the man’s cock beneath the fabric of his pants.Then, slowly, Rayan sat up and moved his hands away.He rose from the bed and looked down at Mathias sprawled out before him.As intoxicating as this person was, he’d never longed for a cleaner version of Mathias.He’d always wanted all of him—the good and the bad, the rugged and the broken.The bruised heart beneath the layers of scar tissue.He would have all of him, or he wouldn’t have him at all.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Out.”Rayan smiled.“You’re going to want something for the comedown.”
Chapter
Twenty-Four
Mathias lay on his back on a cheap motel bed and stared at the pattern of water stains forming on the ceiling.His body felt unbearably hot beneath the fabric of his clothes, and his brain pulsed inside his skull.He blinked several times to dispel the fuzzy distortions from his vision, but nothing helped.Whatever Marsela had given him had done its work well.
He could only vaguely recall how he’d gotten here.His memory was a highlights reel in Technicolor with whole chunks missing.There were snatches of a conversation he’d had with Rayan, and the rest remained a hazy blur.In between the distorted snippets of memory were flashes of vivid sensation—the warmth of Rayan’s lips, the impossible smoothness of the bedcovers.He felt the residual hum of desire in his bones.Did we fuck?
