Page 70 of A Life Imagined
“Back then you had an entire organization at your disposal.Now we’re on our own.You can’t go around looking for trouble.”
“I wasn’t looking for shit,” Mathias said, pushing Rayan’s hand away.“I was holding my ground.I won’t stand by and let someone fuck me over.Or have you forgotten that,Nadeau?”
Rayan stiffened at the callback.
“You may have succeeded in keeping me away from the family, but you can’t take it out of me.”
You think I don’t know that?
“You blame me for leaving,” Rayan said flatly.
“Fuck you, Rayan.”Mathias’s eyes narrowed.“You’re using this as an opportunity.I know there’s a million things you want to extract from me.”
“No one’s forcing you to answer.”
“Except whatever’s making this blanket feel like a hand job,” Mathias said, splaying his fingers and running his palm across the comforter beneath them.“Christ, it’s hot in here.”He shrugged off his jacket and tossed it to the floor then started on the top button of his shirt.
Rayan launched himself to his feet, suddenly furious.“Stop keeping me out!”
He’d spent the last hour sick with worry, only to discover Mathias had deliberately kept him in the dark, concealing the true reason behind the Albanians’ threats and his intention to venture out alone.“Tell me what’s happening.I’m not your fucking subordinate anymore—I’m part of your life.If we’re in this together, I need to know what you’re thinking.”
“So that’s it?”Mathias scoffed.“You’re entitled to my every thought because I love you?”His face lurched into a startled grimace.
Rayan blinked, momentarily speechless.It was as though Mathias had spoken in a different language.The words sounding both beautiful and improbable coming from his lips.
“Why don’t you ever—” Rayan stopped, the rest stuck to his tongue.The question was so needy he couldn’t get past the shame of asking for it.
Mathias scowled.“What does it matter?You know I do.”
Rayan did know.A part of him had known as far back as Cyprus when Mathias had shown up, angry and addled, fighting against himself.He’d just been waiting to hear it out loud, as if that somehow made it more real.But when have words ever been the way to understand Mathias?
Rayan sat back down, silent.
Mathias brought a hand to his forehead and rubbed it roughly.“Even if sometimes I wish I didn’t.Because I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore.How does anyone accomplish anything when they can’t keep their head on straight?I used to be efficient, god dammit.”
Rayan fought a grin.“So you’re a little less efficient.”
“Among other things.”Mathias sighed.“Still, it’s better than before.I was convinced the only person I could rely on was myself.And then you had to go and change my mind.”
“You know I would do anything…” Rayan swallowed the weight of sentiment that accompanied those words.“Anything you want, you have it from me.”
“That’s a dangerous proposition.”
Rayan pulled Mathias close and kissed him, deep and tender.Mathias pressed against him, his hand curling around Rayan’s neck.Then he broke away and flopped onto his back on the bed.
“Don’t tempt me.I’m going to jump out of my skin on this shit.Feel like I could fuck you for hours and still not be done.”
A slow smile spread across Rayan’s face.
“You’re taking advantage,” Mathias warned.
“Because you wouldn’t want that?”
“I would.But I’m pretty sure you won’t once I’m done with you.”
“Try me.”
Mathias let out a short laugh, staring up at the ceiling.“You know, I had a dream about you.”
