Page 121 of Break the Barrier
“I was selfish.” She shakes her head. “Selfish and self-serving and so fucking stupid for pushing you.”
“You didn’t like him, though.”
“I didn’t have to like him to use him,” she says, whispering the words like she’s ashamed to say them.
I sit up on the couch, frowning at her. “Astoria, nothing that has happened is because of you. If anything, I was the reason he was in our lives. I married him, for God’s sake, I brought that on us all.”
She takes a deep breath, brushing away the tears that fall down her face. “But I pushed you.”
I pause to think this over. We’ve had so many years of this festering, and now knowing that she’s been blaming herself, I realize that no matter what I say, it will take more than one conversation for us to move past this.
I was just grateful we were having the conversation at all.
“I would have married him either way, Tori. I would have because he was the same vision to me as he was to you—someone to save me from the dark place I was in. Someone who could take over the burdens, the responsibilities. I was in a weak place, and I used Eric to act like I was okay.”
“I did too,” she whispers to me, coming to sit beside me on the couch.
We both take a few minutes to breathe, both sitting in our thoughts.
“I thought you were angry with me all this time,” I start, turning to look at her. Her sad eyes connect with mine. “When you wouldn’t answer my calls and messages, I thought you were punishing me.”
“I was punishing myself,” she breathes out. “I was angry at myself that everything had escalated so quickly, that I had encouraged it.”
“But.” I pause to think of her words when she left. “You were so angry with me when you left. Your words to me…” I trail off, not wanting to repeat them.
“I wasn’t thinking straight, and I shouldn’t have said what I did because I didn’t actually feel that way.” Another tear slips down her face as she picks at her bracelet. “It was my weird way of trying to make everything okay. Of trying to convince myself that none of it was my own fault, that it was all you.”
“Well, that worked,” I state bluntly, not wanting to tread water after being so open with her.
We’ve done that long enough.
“I owe you,” she says. “Apologies and some groveling and?—”
“Time,” I interrupt her, turning to stare at her. “Time and love are all I’ve ever wanted from you.”
“I’ve always loved you.” Her eyes well again as she looks at me. “You’re my big sister.”
Unable to hold myself back, I reach over and pull her to me, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and holding her tightly.
It wasn’t the end of our healing. It was just the start.
But I was so abundantly grateful to have even that.
49
thea
This was our third store,and I was having far too much fun with Lue and Didi as we looked at dress after dress after dress.
There were some stipulations laid out by Logan that Lue had to adhere to, and after hearing them, I laughed at his protectiveness.
But Lue had no issues with his rules, so I said nothing.
The dress had to be high-necked, no cleavage. It also needed sleeves down to the wrists—I wasn’t sure about that one, but we’ll see—and the hem of it had to go past her knees. Given that Lue seemed rather fond of the floor-length gowns, I didn’t think we were going to have any issues there.I just don’t think Logan realizes how gorgeous she would look in any of them, regardless of the situation.
Didi and I find cushioned seats outside the dressing room, where Lue just went in with five more dresses to try on.Mythigh was thankful for the rest, and I sat with a heavy sigh, stretching my leg out for some sort of relief.
“Is that bothering you?” Didi asks, eyeing my leg with sympathy.
