Page 120 of Break the Barrier
I wasn’t really her mom, as much as I wanted to be. They weren’t really her aunts, as much as they and I wanted that to be.
I was terrified that we were only drawing this out, and any day now, Logan would serve me divorce papers and be done with me completely.
“Oh my gosh, Thea, suck it up,” I tell myself, flopping back on my couch and resting my splinted hand on my forehead. I have another week, possibly two, of wearing it and can’t wait to get it off.
The pain that hurts the most are the cuts on my leg. There’s one that is especially deep and hit one of my nerves, and that was the one that made me limp the most.I have a cane I can use to get around, but it was kind of useless when I couldn’t put too much weight on my wrist.
“Just do it. Worst he can say is no.” I shrug to myself and lift my phone, finally pressing send.
Lue invited me to go dress shopping with her. Is that alright with you?
There. Done.
Now we wait.
My phone pings in my hand before I can fully set it down.
Yes, of course.
Of course…Huh. Okay. That’s got to be a good sign.
A key turns in the lock, and I turn in surprise to find Tori entering the apartment. All my sisters now have keys, since they’ve been helping me a lot since I got home from the hospital.
“Hey,” Tori says, shutting the door behind her and coming into the living room, sitting in the armchair across from me. I stare at her for a moment, her brown hair chopped shorter than I’ve ever seen it, and tattoos are on her legs and arms in intricate details. It all suits her, this life she’s carved out for herself, and as much as I hate that she’s gone all the time, I am happy she seemed to find herself along the way.
“Hey, what are you up to?”
Since I’ve been home a couple weeks, Tori hasn’t mentioned leaving, but found herself busy around town, finding things to do and then helping Juniper and Annmarie at the bar when they needed it.
“Not much,” she sighs. “I was thinking of planning my next trip for when you’re better.”
I stare at my little sister for a moment, my heart aching. I miss her terribly, and she’s sitting three feet away from me.
“Thank you for coming…I needed you.” My words are slow and thoughtful, my brain telling me not to pressure her, and my heart just bursting with the need to tell her every thought, every worry, every concern I’ve had since we went our separate ways.
She nods her head, her eyes guarded.
I’ve wasted so much time allowing space and silence in between us, letting this whole thing fester to the point that she only came home when my life was in grave danger. I don’t want that kind of relationship—the one where you only show up forthe milestones of life. I want the phone calls and random visits too.
“Tori.” I clear my throat and adjust in my seat, wincing slightly at the tinge of pain that radiates through my thigh.
“I’m sorry.” The words fall into the silent room, and Tori stares at me warily for a moment before I see her turn, pursing her lips and blinking. “I’m sorry that I screwed up so royally that you felt like you had to leave and push everyone, especially me, away.” Tears fall down my own cheeks now, the last few weeks falling over me in a jumble of emotion.
I just can’t hold it all in anymore.
“I love you,” I tell her, wiping at my cheek with my good hand. “I love you, and I really want you to forgive me.”
“Forgive you?” Tori finally looks at me, and her eyes, now looking into mine, allow tears to fall. “I don’t need to forgive anything because you didn’t do anything worth forgiving.”
I blink and what Annmarie said weeks ago hits me. “You don’t blame yourself for everything, do you?”
“Of course I do!” she explodes, standing from her chair, her breaths coming out in hot spurts. “I failed you and our sisters so badly that we ended up having to turn Eric in for actual murder to get out from under his freaking thumb.”
“I was the one who chose to bring him into our lives.”
“I encouraged you!” she says, placing her hand on her chest and taking a deep breath. “It was this light at the end of a dark, dark tunnel. Mom and Dad were gone, and I had no idea what to do, so I thought if you had a partner, if you and he took over taking care of our sisters, I could finally have my own life again.”
Tori presses her hand to her chest, breaths heaving and her mind working through what to say. I’m shocked at her words,never having realized that’s what she thought she was doing, even if I never felt that way.
