Page 40 of Out of the Shadows
Somehow, I thought that the relative anonymity and privacy that the shadows created would make him feel less exposed and provide enough comfort to share something with me that he would normally keep to himself. I suppose I’d hoped he would be less on guard.
Colt grunted but didn’t push me away. I took that as a good sign.
“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. It’s what it says about me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He let out a soft, almost bitter laugh. “It means I’m not exactly proud of it, so no, I’m not jumping to tell you.”
Oh, God. My mind raced. Had I missed something? Had he been hung up on someone else all along, and I was just too blind to see it? I inhaled slowly, trying to calm the pit growing in my stomach.
“That still doesn’t really clear things up for me,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
“I know … High school wasn’t really fun for me. I think you probably noticed that. But the bigger problem was my own fucking head. I spent years beating myself up and holding myself back, telling myself I didn’t deserve this or that. Somehow, I convinced myself that being associated with me would cause you hard times,” he said matter-of-factly. My heart broke for him with every word he uttered into the darkness. It was like a punch to the chest, but I knew he didn’t want my pity.
“You know this is bullshit, right?” I traced figure eights on his chest with my fingers. His chest wasn’t smooth, as asmattering of trimmed hairs covered his pecs.
“Yeah. I know.” He sighed wistfully. “I’d take it back if I could. I just wasn’t in the right place then. I’m sorry.”
“So—” I took a deep breath, nerves sitting like a heavy lump in my stomach. “So it wasn’t that you just didn’t want to talk to me? I thought … well, I kind of thought we’d clicked, and it fucked with my head a bit.”
A heavy arm wrapped around me, and he pressed me against him. “That’s the last thing I wanted. Honestly, I told myself you wouldn’t care, and you’d be better off this way anyway.”
“I did care. And I wasn’t. God, I wish I’d had the lady balls to ask you about it sooner.”
His thumb brushed gently across my upper arm. “Don’t blame yourself for something I fucked up. This is entirely on me.”
Silence fell over us, and I slowly drifted off, lulled by Colt’s warmth and caressing touch.
Before I slipped away, he murmured, “For the record, I always want to talk to you. Anywhere, anytime. And wedidclick.”
***
The next morning, I woke up to several messages from Ella on my phone and a handwritten note from Colt on the nightstand. He was just too adorable.
I picked up the lined, folded piece of paper.
Had to leave for practice, but you looked so peaceful. Take whatever you need. Hope to see you soon, Princess.
The messages on my phone were of adifferent nature.
Ella: Yo, are you coming home today?
Ella: I guess not.
Ella: Get it, girl.
Ella: I hope he goes down on you, he seems like the type.
Ella: In that case, have fun.
Ella: See you tomorrow!
I snorted. She was outrageous — but I kind of loved her for it.
Me: Just woke up. Be back soon.
I’d never had a friend to share intimate, personal things like this with, and somehow, it was exciting that another person was so invested in my “relationship” and happy for me. It was weird, yet I was thrilled.
