Page 97 of The Toymaker
“Maybe I am retarded,” Riju mumbled.
“What-no! Don’t let the Trig control you and make you feel bad from jail too. You’re not retarded.”
Riju ducked his head. “I can barely concentrate down there, and I haven’t gotten much done. What kind of toymaker works so slowly?”
Kit set his book on the floor and reached over to grasp his shoulder. “You can't concentrate?”
“Yeah. If I can’t work, I’ll be a failure before I even get started. I'm tired, and my mind keeps wandering off.”
“To what?”
“Trig,” Riju whispered.
“It’s only been a few days.”
Riju fiddled with a thread hanging from the couch cushion. “He was my first kiss. My first everything. After what he did to us both, I shouldn’t miss him at all now, but I keep thinking of everything in the beginning. I thought he really cared and loved me later when things changed and we became intimate. Somethings he said made me mad like how he wasn’t my first, but I thought we’d be fine. He made me feel things I hadn’t before.”
Kit thought for a few moments. “He was or wasn’t your first?”
“Hewas.I'd never been with anyone else at all.”
“It’s not wrong for you to miss the man you were with for so long, especially since he was also your first. I’d expect you to be heartbroken. You miss the old him, or the man you thought he was.”
“I shouldn’t miss him because of the man he really was.”
“You didn’t know what he was capable of, and it’s not your fault. Nobody shrugs off their first love of so many years.” Kit moved to get off the couch and sit next to him. “What did he say to piss you off? I’m confused about him not being your first. But you said he was.”
Riju shifted and drew up his knees as he scowled at the fireplace. “He said I’d been raped and thought I didn’t want to admit it. He thought I was lying when I said he was my first partner and I was a complete virgin. I wasn’t lying. Alone, I’d masturbated before. That's it. Not once had I done anything with another person. Not even a kiss. He didn’t believe me and said it's why I wouldn't bottom or take off my shirt.”
Kit tilted his head. “I’m not getting this. Why would he insist you were raped and not really a virgin?”
“Because…” Riju paused. “Can I tell you what happened to me and why I ended up at the physician?”
Kit instantly got it. Trig thought the attack had included rape. “Yes, if you want.”
Riju picked at his thumbnail for several seconds. “Sometimes, I used to hang around other homeless people a bit. Some share things if they’re friends or they simply talk. It's something to do at times, and another homeless person probably won't pinch their nose and act like they're too good to be near you.‘Friends’ might not be super close, and technically, you’re all in competition.”
“Charity has limits,” said Kit.
“Exactly. A few didn’t like me much, but if they had a fire, they didn’t mind me sitting by it to get warm. A couple were okay with me being around. A guy tried to grab Dory one night, and he said I was too old for dolls. He called me all kinds of names, and when he lunged…I had a nail I’d found on the street and tucked between my first and second fingers. I caught him right across the cheek and opened it up. It was sturdy enough to channel my electricity, so he got a little shock too.”
“It sounds like he deserved it. He beat you up?”
“Not then. His friends didn’t think he deserved it. One who was rather neutral toward me got me to follow him a couple of weeks later. He hadn’t been there for the incident, and I didn’t think much of it. He said a warehouse was full of food from a shipment that arrived by boat. They were going to tell others to come and get some too, and it was too much for one person to carry away. If we played fair and were sneaky, we'd all get at least a couple of meals worth of stuff. I believed it because he was known for occasionally nicking food and sharing with others. He often prowled around the docks too, and he’d even snuck onto ships before to snatch things. A few of us had started calling him Lucky.”
Kit hugged his knees because he could tell what happened next, and he didn’t like it.
“He either found loose boards or pried them open earlier. We both slipped into the back of a warehouse, and he led me deeper in between a bunch of shelves and crates. The guy I sliced was there with another friend, and they blocked my way…I dropped the damn nail. I'm sure they intended to kill me, and they almost succeeded. They didn’t rape me, but they beat me down. I hadnothing to channel with and…I thought I was going to die in there.”
He sniffled and moved to lean on Kit who wrapped an arm around him. “I’m sorry, Riju. I never thought you keeping your shirt on or not bottoming was because you’d been raped. I thought it was just something you do. Plenty of men never bottom because they don’t want to.”
“Trig didn’t believe me no matter how much I insisted they nearly beat me to death and nothing else. They only wanted to punish me for hurting the one guy, and they said retards shouldn’t be sucking up the local charity along with a whole bunch of other shit. I wanted to tell you before, but I was scared because I’ve only ever told Trig. The sight of the physician who treated me brought up a lot of bad memories, and if I panicked then…”
“You didn’t panic now.”
“I trust you a lot more. I never trusted the others Trig and I'd been with enough to tell them anything about my past. Not even my parents.” Riju straightened up a bit and pulled on the loose shirt under his snugger vest. “I like clothes. Did you like being naked all of the time?”
“Hmm. I like being forced to remain nude. It’s a power thing, so…”
