Page 69 of The Toymaker
“Why?”
“I think jealousy can come up if there’s a changing third partner, and if two married people have that issue, it can be harder to solve. A poly relationship can work out great when everyone is on the same page, but I don’t feel like it's for me in marriage. If anyone wants to have a special bond with only one for the rest of their life, it’s entirely fair. Plenty of people want that, and often, with a poly marriage, the third is also permanent or mostly so, not a person who stays for a year or maybe only a few months.”
Riju hesitated. “Trig said before that having a slave is like an itch.”
Kit squinted. “Like when you crave a certain food at times, but not every day?”
“Yes. He’d never tried to push me into being a slave, and he was fine with having me as a submissive. He likes that kind of stuff too.”
“But he needs someone he can do more with when he gets the urge?”
“Yes. He likes the extra control and a different dynamic. I’m fine with it because we're not married, and it also gives me a chance to dominate because I can’t do it with him. A third like you gives us a thing we can’t get from each other. I said if we get married, I don’t want any more thirds, and I’d be willing to always be the submissive in bed. He’d always be the dominant because he’s not one to switch. He expects me to accept it when he feels like having a third.”
“You’re willing to give him a thing he likes and give up what you like, but he’s not? That’s not fair at all.”
Riju set Dory on the desk. “He accused me of not wanting to compromise. I also asked to live on my own so I can have more independence and start my own business. He said no.”
Kit listened as Riju recounted the things that had been worrying him besides the issue of safety words and consent withKit. Riju had needed help several years ago because he’d spent so long on the street with no one taking care of him. Living alone and supporting himself would have been difficult because he’d been lacking in the skills most slowly learned as they grew up such as cooking. His focus had been on day-to-day survival on the street, not learning job skills or how to make dinner.
Riju had grown into a more independent man since he knew how to cook, take care of his hygiene, and clean up after himself along with other skills like basic woodwork and sewing. His social ability had improved a little, although it wasn’t good enough for Trig.
He mentioned the possibility of him and Kit having something private, but Trig said a poly relationship with a fourth if anybody else entered would be too difficult. Plus, he didn’t think Riju could truly manage a business by himself.
It warmed Kit’s heart that even though Riju wanted to go out on his own, he also wanted Kit to have a part in his life.
“He’s done a lot for me, and he’s got quite a bit of money set aside in case he has an accident and passes. Truly, he does care about me to some extent, but I also feel like a prized pet. If he ‘fixes’ my head more, I’ll be more suitable as a husband, and he can show me off. He made me into what I am now. It’s like without him, I could never be anything. It’s all what he wants, and I’m supposed to shut up, marry him in another year or so, and let him make all of the main decisions. I know he doesn’t like the idea of me having a separate relationship he has no control over.” Riju hugged his legs. “It’s like…it’s like I’m a living doll for him to turn into what he wants. He doesn’t respect me as aperson.He thinks I’ll never be anything on my own, and if I lived separately, it means I could decide to permanently leave him.”
Kit’s heart squeezed as Riju’s eyes welled up.
“I didn’t fully realize it before because I trusted him. I do now, and I’m tired of never being good enough. I hate the way hemakes me doubt myself, and it doesn’t matter that I’ve improved on life skills because my head’s still the same. It’s never changed, I’ll never be good enough for him, and in the long run, I know he’ll see it as my f-fault for not trying hard enough. I love him, but he talks about how he ‘got’ me as if I’m anitem.”
Kit went over to hug him, and Riju broke down against his shoulder. Shit. On the surface, Trig seemed like a good lover who gave Riju what he needed and truly cared about him. Part of him had to care because most people wouldn’t take in a homeless man. Nobody else had tried to help Riju and given him a chance. Trig had even threatened Kit about hurting Riju.
At the same time, the warning signs had been there. Kit hadn’t put it all together and looked deeper: Trig’s insistence that he make eye contact with everyone and practice even though it was beyond uncomfortable. The way he'd constantly interrupted Riju and often dismissed his concerns was another issue. He’d been more worried about what other people thought and how Riju should be “normal.” If he was set on something, he’d try to wear Riju down.
Trig had been kind of an asshole at first about the whole fair issue to the point where Riju had cried. In the contract, he’d written Kit would have to “deal” with Riju as if he were a pest. He’d also said Riju had been like a wild animal at first, and those weren’t terms anyone should use to describe the man they loved.
“How come you asked if you could go?” Kit laid his head on Riju’s shoulder. “If you’re in a relationship, I don’t think you need permission to leave.”
Riju paused. “Because…I ask before big things.”
“You’re not a pleasure slave, and you have no contract. You don't have to ask.”
“I’ve decided to leave anyway. Once you’re gone, I’m gone too. I don't care what he says. After this morning and downstairs…it’s not just today. It’s years of small stuff piled up.”
“If he treats you like that and won’t even try to compromise, it’s best. You’re not an item, and you don’t deserve to be treated like one. Even if it’s not his intention, he’s making you feel a certain way, and it’s not right. If I’d stayed with Perry, I’d be miserable half of the time, and this isn’t exactly the same, but you won’t be happy long-term either.”
Riju wiped his face with the cuff of his sleeve. “If he made a real effort, didn’t put me down, and let me have more freedom on my own, we could work out.”
“But you don’t think he will?”
“No.” Riju sniffled and drew Kit to sit in his lap. “It’s been years, and I’m a pet. Besides, I was thinking if I simply moved out, and we stayed together, I would leave him if he got another slave with the same terms as you. I don't want to be a part of something like this again, and I didn’t want him to do it at first. I’d like…”
“What?”
Riju stared at the surface of his desk. “I’d like for you to stay. I don’t want to hold you back because I’m not sure what you want to do later.”
“I’d like to stay too.”
