Page 39 of Mr Collins in Love
She smiled for the first time that morning, her tired face suddenly appearing lighter and younger.“Do you know, sir, I think we will be.”
I found myself imagining the ruminations she must have been prey to during the long watches of the previous night.After all, had I been a different sort of man, I might have made all kinds of difficulties for her.I might have carried report of her behaviour to her father, or to Mrs Bennet.I might have got up this morning and gone to say a few stern words about her conduct to her vicar.Or, last night, I might have gone into Meryton and entered the inn that was frequented by the militia officers and made her into a figure of fun with them.She would have certainly considered these sorts of possibilities herself, and yet she had still acted.She was admirable, really, to have been so bold.
“And I should like to acknowledge, Miss Lucas, that you have been most uncommonly brave these past couple of days.Not many young women would have been courageous enough to say to me what you have said.You took a risk, did you not?”
“I did, sir.”She smiled again, and I thought I could see true warmth in her eyes.“But it was a calculated one.I feel I may now tell you that I have watched you very carefully this past fortnight, and it soon became obvious to me that, if left to yourself, you would never behave in a mean or ungentlemanly manner.You might have been shocked at my proposal, and you might have refused to speak with me, but I think, in the end, you would not have made trouble for me and would simply have gone home.You dislike strife and confrontation, I believe.”
“That is true,” I said.
“And, moreover,” she went on, still smiling, “I have another confession to make.It is this: I questioned the Longbourn servants about your habits and behaviours.Yes, I spoke with young Molly.And Mrs Hill.And with John, the gardener.You will be happy to hear that all gave excellent reports of your thoughtfulness and interest and politeness.And I do believe, sir, that it is in how a man conducts himself with people of that type that one may judge him best.No, my risk was not so great.”
I asked her, then, to marry me.
She accepted.
We shook hands to seal the bargain and after a few more words about how we should arrange matters and how we should conduct ourselves, we parted.
CHAPTER 10
Ispent the journey home in a lather of exhausted nerves.Lady Catherine, I was almost sure, would approve of Miss Lucas, but it was Jem’s reaction that had my stomach churning and my thoughts racing, for I felt the situation could go either way with him.Hope is ever one of the most difficult sentiments to endure, for the apprehension, that sense of balancing upon a knife’s edge, is utterly wearying.I had to keep reminding myself in the sternest tones that hope was a thousand times better than the morass of gloom into which I should have sunk had Miss Elizabeth accepted me, for she was surely just the kind of innocent young maiden that Jem had been so keen for me to avoid.
I did not get home until late on Sunday as the roads had been bad about Sevenoaks due to heavy rain.Mrs Fowke met me at the door, let me into the warm, took my coat and assured me all was well.The house smelled of beeswax and apple-wood fires and I could have embraced her, though of course I did not.She led me to the dining room and set out one of her hearty veal and ham pies, to which I could not do justice, blaming my lack of appetite on the indignities of travel.As soon as I could, I repaired to my study.I sat in one of the easy chairs before the fire and asked her to send Jem to me, saying I wished to enquire about the crop of white filberts which he would have got in while I was away.
He came, and I saw him for a moment as a stranger such as Mr Bennet or Miss Elizabeth might have seen him; a big, rather ill-favoured and common-looking country fellow, dressed decently enough, for he was wearing the brown striped velvet waistcoat which was his Sunday best, but with nothing interesting nor remarkable about him.
Then I blinked and he was my Jem, and it was so wonderful to be with him I could not stop smiling, even though I knew I should not, for our coming interview might not go well and then such happiness would seem ridiculous, and possibly even importunate.
“Welcome home,” he said.
“Oh, Jem, how I missed you!”I stood up, the better to see him.“You have no idea how glad I am to be back.”
“You wanted to know about the filberts?”
“Yes!How many—no.The filberts were an excuse so Mrs Fowke would fetch you.I have news.”
“You’re getting wed.”
His tone was clipped.He was standing with his arms crossed, face angled slightly towards the fire so that he was looking at me out of the corners of his eyes.It seemed a sullen pose, or a defensive one.
“Yes, but, Jem, I hope you will not be angry.Indeed, I hope you will be pleased with me, because she is very practical, and is seven-and-twenty, and labours under no illusions.We made an agreement and it is a very sensible one, I think.I told her everything—well, of course noteverything, but I was as honest as…as decency allowed.I told her I must marry because my patroness desires it although I do not, and we agreed we would be friends, and she said she does not mind whether she has children, but wishes to have an allowance of five pounds a year to spend on books, to which I agreed.And she promises she will not interfere in the garden, nor make any alteration to the household, nor will she ask for a pianoforte, nor sing unless necessary.And she can play quadrille and…and…of course I understand that you may wish to reserve judgement until you have met her, but I think you will see that she does not expect anything of me that I cannot give her, and is content with that.More than content.She wished to marry.She is happy, I believe, with our bargain.”
I felt I was babbling, over-explaining, but he did not move or speak.
“Oh, and Jem!I did the wrong thing at first and proposed to one of Mr Bennet’s daughters who—thank goodness!— refused me.Had she accepted, it would have been everything you said would be wrong because she is young and pretty and hoping for love and you were right.It would have been very wrong.So I had a lucky escape.And I have thought of you every moment and wished you could see everything in the Longbourn garden.I have brought you some seed potatoes from Mr Bennet’s gardener which are a different variety and I think you will like them.They are very hardy and have a very good texture when boiled which we both agree is so important, don’t we?And I have collected some other seeds for you, besides, and I hope you are not angry and will think I have done well.Oh, and her name is Charlotte.Miss Lucas.”I was wringing my hands together in my anxiety, but I could not seem to stop.“Please say something.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it like a trap.He seemed to considering everything I had said.
“You really told her?All that?You didn’t want to marry but had to?”There was an accusatory note to his voice which I felt I did not deserve.
“Yes.I told her I must marry because of my patroness.”My voice sounded timid, even to me.I tried to inject some reassurance into my tone.“She was very understanding.”
He gave a short laugh.“Wonder she didn’t slap you.”
“Oh no.”I was quite shocked, for he had clearly got the wrong idea about what sort of person she was if he thought she would behave in such a way.“She is kind, I think, and has excellent manners, though she is plain and has no money.She did not wish to become an old maid.Well, or an older one.Her father is very respectable.”
He was squinting rather.“Wait.First you asked one maid, and she said no, so you turned about and asked the other?”
“Yes, yes, and you are the first person I’ve told.I didn’t mention it to Mrs Fowke because I wanted you to hear it from me.”
