Page 118 of A Wolf's Wound
“BecauseIwasscared,”I say simply.
“But you just said you knew I wouldn’t hurt you,” Ryder says, looking confused and a little hurt.
“I wasn’t scared of you.Not like that,” I try to explain.“But of what you represented.”
“What was that?”
“You’re the beta of the Stone pack,” I say.“You hold a lot of power.And you’re part of a very large and influential pack.”
“So?You’re Mason Blackwood’s stepdaughter.You’re practically pack royalty.”
“I know!That was the problem.I had seen firsthand how being in a pack can strip a mate of her autonomy.I didn’t want that to happen.”
“But your mom chose to marry Mason,” Ryder points out.“How did she lose her autonomy?”
“In some ways, she never lost her autonomy or her agency,” I concede.“She never stopped being my mother, for instance, and she and Mason have had a pretty equal marriage.But the pack became our entire lives, Ryder.”
“But that’s what family is,” he argues.“And that’s what your pack is, your family.”
“I know.And for my mother, that was a choice she made willingly.But she never sugarcoated it for me either.I grew up knowing how easily someone’s individual identity, especially a mate’s, could get boiled down to where it only mattered who her partner was.To me, she was always my mother.To the rest of the pack, though, she was Mason’s wife.”
“So you don’t think she was always seen for who she is,” Ryder says, and I nod.
“Exactly.I knew I wanted to make a life for myself apart from the pack, apart from any pack.I wanted to be seen for who I am and what I can do, not for who my stepfather is or how I grew up.”
“I completely respect that,” Ryder says.“I actually can understand some of it.”
“Really?”
“Hannah, I’m the beta and Gavin is the alpha.You want to talk about feeling the need to carve out your own identity?Try growing up being the beta of the Stone pack.”
“You’re completely right,” I realize.“You can probably relate to this better than anyone I know.”
“Well, maybe not your mom,” Ryder says.
“Okay, good point.”
“But I do relate, and I get why you didn’t say anything sooner,” Ryder tells me.
“Thanks.I’m glad you understand.”
“I wish I could guarantee that being my mate won’t ever compromise your autonomy,” Ryder says wistfully.“But I can’t control how others will see you or respond to you, or what they’ll think about you.”
“I know, and I wouldn’t believe you if you tried to make any promises,” I say.“Just the fact that you’re taking me seriously, though, means a lot.”
“I’m glad.And Hannah, I can promise you one thing,” Ryder says, moving even closer to me.He tilts his head down so our foreheads are touching.It’s a strangely intimate gesture.
“What?”I ask.
“I promise I will never control your freedom,” he says somberly.“I will never ask you to give up your dreams or desires in service to mine.And I will always treat you as the smart, determined, and incredibly capable individual you are.You will never be ‘just’ a mate to me.”
“That must be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard,” I say, blinking back tears.“That could have been a wedding vow, Ryder.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” he teases, his own eyes damp with emotion.“I just hope you believe me.”
“I do,” I whisper, and he grins.
“I told you not to get ahead of yourself.Ow!”he mock-cries as I gently punch his arm.
