Page 53 of Surviving the Break
“You can survive anything.”
“I wouldn’t want to survive you, Max.”
“You’re going to have to be patient with me,” I warned.
He gave a cheeky smile. “That’s my favorite thing to do with you.”
I needed a break from the heaviness. “What time do we need to be at your mother’s?”
“No later than four o’clock. She’ll kill us if we delay the thank-you table.”
I paused mid yawn. “Huh?”
“It’s a tradition we started when I was a kid, and if anyone came over for Christmas dinner, we pulled them into it. Before we say grace, we go around the table, and everyone shares what they’re thankful for. You could say as many things as you want. As small or as big as you want. The idea is that it serves as a reset. If you’ve lost your way throughout the year or forgotten what’s truly important, at the end of the year, you get a do-over. Once you put a name to what you are thankful for, you walk through life more purposefully. It’s a reminder to never lose perspective.”
I dragged my fingers over his lips, and he closed his eyes as if the rough touch was the softest thing he’d ever known. “I don’t deserve you, Ashton. Somehow I got you, anyway. The way you make me feel with one look, with one...” I dropped my head, unable to continue.
He cradled my face in his hands. “I love you, Max.” He held me in place. “And I don’t promise to love you until I stop loving you. I promise to love you even when it’s the hardest thing to do.”
“Damn you, Ash.” I touched him everywhere desperately, and he plundered my mouth, deepening the kiss until it made its way into my marrow. I refused to say it back, yet the words rested against my tongue, stubborn and heavy. I wondered if he could taste them, though.Feelthem.I love you too.
I wouldn’t utter them. Not yet. I needed to trudge through the mud of my past first, so I could come to him open and free of burden. But love blossomed beneath the muck. A different kind of love. Atruerlove.
IWISHEDI could say things changed between Ash and me after that day. They didn’t. That wasn’t a fair assessment. Things had gotten better in some areas, but new problems sprouted, making things worse in other ways.
I becamejealous.
Nonexistent innuendos between his co-workers reached my ears, and I spotted flirtatious looks that didn’t exist. I didn’t give Ash’s ass a break, and he rarely got access to mine. I had an insidious need to rut, mark, rip apart, and soak him in my seed.An ugly thing to witness. Jealousy could make someone unrecognizable. It turned me into a complete stranger.
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine...
One night, I’d fucked him until my bed broke. Then crawled up his body and ejaculated on his face. Rubbing it in until it was one with his skin. Then I made him suck my cock, and right before I came, I flipped him over, hauling his ass into the air before I stuck just my tip inside his dry canal and jerked myself the rest of the way. My blood sang as my cum shot down his tight, greedy hole.
I showed up to his office unannounced last week to find him gone, and my temper flared when he refused to account for his time. My paranoia hit new heights when I began to monitor his interactions with Sam.
Something had to give. My trigger needed the safety reengaged before I blew a whole in the remaining goodness in my life. I was stuck, and it wasn’t fair to Ash, who, through it all, constantly told me he loved me. Still.
STEPPINGoff the elevator now at the hospital for a scheduled lunch. I approached his office, andShelbywas exiting it. “Hi, Max,” she said cheerfully. I ignored her. My hard stare fixed on the man I owned that stood in the doorway.
“What the fuck was she doing here?” I asked once we were behind his locked office door.
“She came to say goodbye.” He held a conversational tone, no doubt hoping if he didn’t make it a big deal, I wouldn’t either. “She took a transfer to a hospital in Atlanta so she could be close to her ailing mother.” He leaned against his desk and folded his arms over his chest.
“Did you get a farewell fuck in?”
“You know I didn’t, Max.” He spoke with exaggerated patience. Like you would to a child.
“Take everything off. Now.”
He exhaled. Now trying to keep his cool. “Will that make you feel better?”
“Yes!” I spun around and bent over, resting my hands on my knees. I straightened once I had control over myself and faced him again. “Yes. It would. Please…”
While Ash took his time removing his clothes, I went around to his desk drawer and pulled out the tray that hid the bottle of lube underneath.
I pulled my cock through my zipper, and with his ass on the edge of his desk, his hands planted behind him, and his legs wrapped around me, I took him with haste.
Even after we’d climaxed, I stayed within him. “I’m not done,” I panted, already feeling myself harden again.
