Page 52 of Surviving the Break
My fingers clenched into fists and dug into the area above my knee under the bubbling water.
“We started in-vitro fertilization right away. We agreed to take turns attempting to fertilize the egg. When one round failed, it was his turn and vice versa. We didn’t care which one of us was the biological father. We struck gold after the fourth attempt.” His shoulders shook as he lost the battle with his tears.
Nothing hurt more than seeing his pain. I pulled him toward my side of the stone bench, and he straddled me. I kissed the fading hickey I’d put on his neck that morning, and he ran his hands over my buzz cut, relaxing in my arms.
“The baby grew strong and healthy, and we fell in love more and more each day. We decorated the house and set up the nursery, and we were planning the wedding.” He ran his fingers from my scalp to my nape, and I wiped his eyes. “We were getting married on the farm because it meant so much to the both of us. The invitations had already gone out. Everything paid for.” He tipped his head back, blinking rapidly and blowing a lungful of air through his mouth. “All we needed was our baby.” He managed a watery smile. “My parents...God, they were so invested and happy.” His eyes darted frantically around the patio.
“Look at me. Focus on me, okay?”
He gave a hard nod. “We had a boy. Everyone piled into the delivery room. My parents, Hayden’s parents, his grandparents. I got to hold him first. I got to name him too. Jeremiah. After my granddad. MyJeremiah,” he said with reverence. Max rushed through the ending, needing it to be over. “They stayed in the hospital for three days. Hayden worked on getting everything ready at home while I worked around the clock to finish a school we were building so I could take some time off. The day before Jeremiah was due to leave the hospital, I got a call from Hayden asking me to come home. I get there, and a moving company is piling things into a truck.” His laugh sent chills through my body, and his hands unconsciously wrapped around my neck, his fingers pulsing. I kneaded his body below the water, fighting to contain the trembling below my skin. My rage would do no good right now.
“Hayden was leaving me for Jacklyn. Turns out, when the third round of in-vitro didn’t work, they decided to cut cost and time by trying the old-fashioned way. And it never stopped. The whole time we had been planning our life, they were falling in love. Jeremiah was biologically theirs. I had no claim to him. He always handled the legal aspects of things. He was theirs, and I wasnobody.”
“No…”I breathed. My heart split in two for him.
“The moving men made sense then. I remember thinking at least he had the decency to leave. How foolish was I?”
“No…”I swallowed repeatedly, trying to keep down the emotion.
“He destroyed me and put me out in the cold on top of it. He was myson. I held him in my arms. I named him, and they stole him from me.” He held my face between his palms and squeezed, trying to hold something together because he was falling apart.
“Jeremiah was mine. Hayden knew what having a child meant to me. I’ve wanted it ever since I was a little boy, and heknew.” He let out an anguished whine. “They haveeverythingand left me withnothing.It eats me up inside. I won’t survive that kind of pain a second time.” He cried with such grace, a silent flowing river. He had no fight left in him, and the sight left me breathless. I rocked him and touched every part of him, wishing I could put my hands on the one place that mattered. His heart.
I got us out of the water, dried us off, and then took his hand, leading him to bed. We slipped under the covers as the sun crested over the horizon. “Merry Christmas,” I whispered before we drifted off. We didn’t wake up until late in the afternoon.
21
MAX
Igroaned from the blinding headache, grabbing the sides of my head. A note on Ash’s pillow instructed me to stay put and to take the pills on the nightstand. I reached over for the glass of water and two tablets, taking them without delay.
I guided my head back to the pillow, careful not to jostle my aching skull. I felt like shit, but also cleansed. I hadn’t cried since the day I left Kentucky. I’d told myself I never would. It ended up being what I needed.
My mindandmy body ached. I would be feeling Ash for days, maybe weeks.
“Good, you’re awake.” Ash walked in with a tray of food, and my stomach gave a thunderous rumble. “Someone’s hungry.”
I scooted up against the headboard. “Mmm, smells good. Hurry up.” It hurt to smile.
Ash placed the tray over my lap, and I crossed my legs so he could sit across from me.
“Dig in.”
I attacked the steaming mug of coffee first, then moved on to the bacon and eggs.
“How do you feel?” he asked cautiously.
“Like someone used my face as a punching bag and my body as their personal whore-ground.” I stretched my back as I chewed and swallowed. “Thank you for last night.” A sudden wave of emotion hit me. “Geez, why the fuck am I tearing up? Once the release valve opens, you apparently can’t close ‘em.”
“You’ve been repressing yourself for over a year, Max. Cut yourself some slack.” He placed the empty tray on the floor, and when I stretched my legs out, he straddled me above the sheet, tipping my head back with his nose under my chin to gain access to my throat.
“I’ve given you gray hairs, Ash.” I stroked his morning stubble, before surfing my fingers up and down his muscular arms.
He smirked against my skin. “I’m pretty sure I was gray when you got me.”
“How are you so normal?” I tilted my head, trying to figure out the easiest person to figure out. He circled my hickey with his fingertip.
“I’m not perfect, Max. I’m not without scars.” He leaned forward and kissed the place near my heart. “But I’ve never beeninlove before. I’ve never had my heart broken by betrayal. If that day ever comes, I feel sorry for the world around me.”
