Page 46 of Brutal Monster
Until Inez.
"How's Kira feeling?" I ask, changing the subject.
Mikhail's face transforms, softening in a way I've never seen before his marriage. "Sick as hell in the mornings. Ravenous by afternoon. Beautiful always." His thumb absently turns hiswedding band. "She's started talking to the baby in Russian and English. Says the kid will come out bilingual."
"Smart woman."
"Terrifying woman," he corrects, but his voice holds nothing but pride. "Six and a half months pregnant and she still caught one of our runners skimming last week. Had him confessing before I even knew there was a problem."
I nod, unsurprised. Mikhail's wife is a formidable presence. Although no one compares to my Inez.
"Remember when we thought the hardest fight would be taking Brighton Beach?" Mikhail asks suddenly.
"We were children."
"We were twenty-two."
"Children," I repeat. "With guns."
The memory surfaces: Mikhail and I, backs against a warehouse wall, outgunned and surrounded. The metallic taste of blood in my mouth. The certainty we wouldn't see morning.
"We should have died a dozen times over," he says, echoing my thoughts.
"At least."
Mikhail refills our glasses from the crystal decanter between us. "To cheating death."
I lift my glass but don't drink. Death isn't what I've cheated. It's something else – something I never thought I'd want or need.
"Kira thinks it's hilarious," Mikhail continues, "that I used to be this ruthless enforcer. Now I wake up in cold sweats worrying about school districts and college funds."
"You're still ruthless."
"Only when necessary." He studies me over the rim of his glass. "It changes you, Vanya. Having someone who sees past all this." He waves his hand, encompassing the mansion, the guardspatrolling the perimeter, the empire we've built through blood and calculation.
I say nothing. What could I say? Inez and I operate in the same world.
"You know what Kira asked me last week?" Mikhail's voice drops lower. "She asked if I thought you were happy."
My jaw tightens.
"I've known you since we were still in diapers. I've seen you expand my father's empire through sheer determination. I've seen you survive things that would break most men." He pauses. "I've never seen you look at anyone the way you look at Inez."
Heat crawls up my neck. I blame the sun. It’s hard to show vulnerability. Inez is the only person who brings it out in me."
"It's not a weakness," he says, reading my silence. "Finding someone who makes you want to be more than what they made us."
"They?"
"The old men. The ones who taught us that power was everything and emotion was nothing." Mikhail shrugs.
I close my eyes, feeling the warmth on my face, the weight of tomorrow pressing down. "Inez is not what I expected."
"The best ones never are."
"She challenges everything."
"Good." Mikhail laughs. "You need someone who doesn't fear you."
