Page 72 of Knockin' Boats
“I don’t know.”
My heart clenched hard. I knew that this might be the outcome of our conversation. I didn’t have a good excuse forwhat happened with Mel. Sawyer had broken up with her, but I’d still broken the bro code. I knew it, and he knew it. I’d fucked up at a time when he’d most needed a loyal friend.
“I fucked up too,” he said.
I blinked in surprise to find Sawyer moving in close. “How?”
“I did push you away. All of you.”
“We should have tried harder.”
“Maybe.” He raised a hand to my face. “Or maybe I should have let you in.”
My throat grew tight. “You could let me in now?”
“I don’t know how to do this, Ash.”
“Be with a guy?”
“Be with you.”
I flinched back, but he drew me in for a kiss. “I’m not saying it to be an ass. I’ve just spent a long time with this grudge. It’s like a comfortable sweater, you know? I’m trying on new clothes, but…sometimes I might just forget and wear it again.”
“Then I’ll just have to undress you and remind you that things have changed.”
He smirked. “You just want me to fuck you.”
I barked a laugh. “Yeah, I do. You’ve got me all curious.”
He rolled his eyes. “Is that all this is? Curiosity?”
“I think you know it’s not. We were best friends once. I want that again.”
“Friendship.”
“At the minimum.”
He looked conflicted. “I can’t promise you more than friends and fucking. We have all this history, all this baggage, and it doesn’t just go away with one conversation.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I figured. But you said you didn’t hate me. That true?”
“Yeah.” He looked annoyed. “I tried hating you. Wouldn’t stick. You infuriate me. You rile me up, always have. You getunder my fucking skin, Ash, and I can’t take it anymore. I can’t walk away, because I have to scratch this fucking itch that only you give me. It’s frustrating as hell, if you want to know the truth. I fuckinghatethat I can’t hate you.”
It wasn’t a love confession, but damn, it was sweet victory, just the same. Sawyer might not be over everything that went down between us, but he wanted me more than he despised me, and that was something to work with.
I dragged him into a filthy wet kiss that had my cock trying to harden even in the cold water.
Sawyer pulled me tighter against him, giving as good as he got, until the sound of a boat motor interrupted the moment.
“We better get back to work,” he rasped.
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “Gotta keep working on my menu. Jerk-off chicken, you said? Maybe I’ll put it on the menu in honor of today’s festivities.”
I turned and started swimming back toward the boat, smile overtaking my face as Sawyer’s laughter followed.
We finished out the day in a comfort zone of friendly jabs and kisses. We weren’t boiling over with frustration, weren’t using stupid excuses to kiss. Now we could kiss simply because we liked it.
Liked each other.
