Page 177 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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this whole time, haven’t you?”

I let out a laugh from nowhere.

My anger subsides under the tide

of my irrepressible love for Matt

rushing in and filling my whole body,

even the parts that hurt so badly.

“Of course I know, Kai.” He laughs.

I cover my eyes with my right hand.

“We can tell your mum if you want,

and we can tell Vass together today.”

“Really?!” I ask, grinning

like I’m a little boy

being told he’s getting a puppy

after years of asking for one,

or being told he’s going to Disney

and his family is bringing

his best friend with them.

“Best friends to boyfriends,” Matt says.

“I’ve been thinking about it

ever since Nicky Anderson’s house party,

and even more since Obi’s.

I said ‘I’m in love with you’ by text message,

but you took it as a joke.

I said ‘I love you’ to your face once before school.

It’s hard to have a serious conversation with you.

We’re either joking around

or you’re angry about something.”

I remember the text: it was a joke.

I remember a winking face emoji.

I remember him saying “I love you” before school.

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