Page 126 of Don't Let Me Go
“We’re only talking. We’re not...” I can’t bring myself to finish that sentence. Obviously, we’re not getting back together. But if I have to say those words out loud, it will break my heart all over again. “How have you been?” I ask.
“Awful.” Riley snorts. “You?”
“Awful.”
Riley looks up at me, his eyes wet and wretched. “I’ve really fucking missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
My body is aching to reach across the table and take his hand. It’s killing me not to.
“What are we going to do about the others?” he asks, wiping away a tear. “They’re going to keep pestering us to get back together.”
“Don’t worry,” I tell him. “After today, that’s?.?.?.?that’s not gonna be an issue.”
Riley’s eyes narrow in suspicion. “Why not?”
“Because.” I take a deep breath. “I’m moving back to Tallahassee.”
Riley’s face falls. “You’re what?”
“My mother came to see me. She asked me to move back home. I told her I needed a few days to think about it. But I’ve?.?.?.?I’ve made my decision. I’m moving back to Tallahassee.”
Riley shakes his head. “I don’t understand. Your parents weren’t even talking to you, and now they want you to come home?”
“Yeah.”
“And, what, they’re suddenly okay with you liking guys?”
Now it’s my turn to avoid Riley’s eyes.
“No, of course they’re not,” he scoffs. “Let me guess—they want you to come home so they can watch you and straighten you out?”
“It’s okay,” I insist. “I’ll be fine.”
“No, it’s not okay, and you won’t be fine!” Riley shouts. “I don’t care if they’re your parents. You can’t live with people who don’t accept you for who you are. They’re going to spend all their time trying to change you, trying to make you into something you’re not, and you’re going to be miserable, Jackson. You’re going to bemiserable.”
He’s right. But what can I do? “I can’t stay here.”
“Yes, you can! You can stay with your aunt, and you can hang out with Duy and Audrey and Tala!”
“Riley—”
“Please stay. I know we can’t be together, and I know it’ll be hard seeing each other when school starts up, but you can’t go back to Tallahassee. You’d be throwing your life away!”
The tears are streaming down his face faster than he can wipe them away. Unable to resist the urge any longer, I reach across the table and take his hand. He doesn’t pull away.
“This is so stupid!” he exclaims, his words coming out in something that’s half a laugh and half a sob. “How is this happening to us? How isthisour life?”
“I don’t know.”
He squeezes my hand, and it’s like a jolt of electricity. It fills me with recklessness and something like hope. We’re getting strange looks from all the sunburned tourists, but I don’t care. Being with Riley, even if we’re both fucking devastated, is still a million times better than the past two weeks of unrelenting emptiness without him.
“Promise me you won’t move back to Tallahassee,” he insists. “Promise me.”
“Okay,” I hear myself agree.
“Okay?”
