Page 127 of Don't Let Me Go
“I won’t move back to Tallahassee.”
Riley smiles up at me, and I swear it’s like staring into the sun. His happiness is blinding. It doesn’t seem possible that I’ll have to spend the rest of the year—the rest of mylife—without that smile. Without that happiness. Without him.
“All I think about is us getting back together,” I tell him, the words spilling out of me.
Riley nods and wipes away more tears. “I know. Me too.”
His sharp green eyes peer into mine, and before I know what I’m doing, I say the impossible. “So why don’t we?”
Riley snatches his hand away like he’s been stung, and his whole face clouds over in shadows. “We can’t, Jackson. You know we can’t.”
But seeing Riley in front of me after two weeks of agony, I don’t know anything anymore. Except how much I need him in my life.“Jocasta said if anything was gonna happen, it would happen on your birthday. Maybe if we can just get through today—”
“We can’t trick the universe!” Riley snaps. “We can’t break up just for my birthday, then get together tomorrow and expect the universe to be like, ‘Oh, well, guess you guys got me on a technicality. Guess I’ll have to let you live.’?”
“We don’t know what the rules are. Maybe if we get past today, we’re in the clear.”
“Jackson—”
“These past couple of weeks without you have been the worst fucking weeks of my life,” I confess. “I thought I could let you go if it meant we’d both be safe, but I can’t.”
“You think I don’t feel the same?” Riley shakes his head. “Not seeing you ishell. But we know what’s going to happen if we stay together.”
“No, we know what Jocastathinkswill happen if we stay together.”
“And I believe her!”
“I know you do.”
“And you don’t?” Riley throws up his hands in exasperation. “Because you were pretty fucking certain two weeks ago when you dumped me.”
“I know,” I answer, feeling a fresh stab of pain at the memory of that night. “And all I can say is, at the time, I thought we were doing the right thing.”
“And now?”
Truth be told, I don’t know what I believe anymore. Maybe Riley and I are doomed if we stay together. But it feels like we’re also doomed if we stay apart.
“Look,” I say, “Jocasta said if we stayed together, something bad would happen on your birthday, right? Well, it’s your birthday. We’re together. Nothing’s happened.”
“There are still twelve hours left in the day.”
“Right. And what I’m saying is, if nothing happens in those twelve hours, then maybe we consider getting back together.”
“Something could still happen after I turn eighteen.”
“Yeah,” I concede. “Maybe. Or nothing could happen.”
Riley doesn’t say anything to this, so I keep going.
“I know what I’m asking is a lot. Especially considering how fucked we are if I’m wrong. But I don’t care. Living to a hundred—living a long, full life—that’s gonna mean nothing to me if I don’t have you.”
Riley looks at me helplessly, his eyes swimming with confusion. I can tell he’s wavering.
“You don’t have to answer right now,” I tell him. “You can take as much time as you need. As much time until you feel safe and certain that nothing bad is gonna happen. If that’s a day or a week or a month or a year, that’s okay. I can wait. I can wait forever as long as I know that at the end of that waiting, you and I will be together.”
Riley is silent, so I reach out and take his hand again. “Please, Riley. Just tell me you’ll think about it.”
He hesitates. Then, looking deep into my eyes, he nods. “Okay.”
