Page 218 of Mountain Daddy
That damn fox was nipping at my heels the whole way to my fucking truck.
Baby Doll: Hilarious.
Baby Doll: You should probably bring him another gift, though. He might not let you back on the property otherwise.
A little piece of hope wedges itself inside me, next to the guilt.
She’s not telling me not to come back.
She called me Daddy this morning.
I swallow.
Me: I gave him all the beef jerky that was in my truck.
I shake my head remembering it. That damn fox nearly took my fingers off when he snapped the meat out of my hand, but I don’t tell her that part.
Baby Doll: I’m sure he appreciated it.
Me: It was a start. But I still have a lot to atone for.
Me: I’ll make it right.
I watch the phone screen.
Wait.
Wonder what she’s thinking.
I didn’t mean to change the tone of our messages. But if there’s a chance I can undo the wrongs I’ve done, I need her to understand that I want to. That Iwantto fix this.
If she’ll let me.
I still know it’s wrong.
Still feel like I’m stealing her away from something else.
Still feel guilt over being in love with my friend’s daughter.
But the loss of her…
The loss of her bright presence in my life…
And then finding out I could’ve lost her for good, before I even knew her…
That broke something inside me.
And the fear swallows me whole all over again.
My chest aches and my eyes burn.
My throat closes.
The image of Kendra in a hospital gown flashes in front of me.
I close my eyes.
I will it away.
