Page 99 of Cartel Viper
I swallow and nod. “I don’t think I’ll ever be in a situation like I was today. I certainly will never be in a relationship again like the one I had with Drew because you couldn’t be more different from him. I accept all the things you’re saying, and I feel guilty for how I made you feel. Hindsight being twenty-twenty, maybe I wouldn’t do that again, but I don’t feel guilty for reclaiming that freedom and feeling of closure.”
“I don’t expect you to. I don’t want to take that from you. That’s not what your punishment will be about. The punishment is about the danger, and I know in this case you couldn’t get one without the other, but you could’ve waited until I got there. You could’ve waited for me to help you. I was standing right there. You looked at me and then went to Drew?—”
“Wait, Javi, no, I did not see you. I looked around specifically for him and glanced for his men, but I didn’t see you. Maybe you were there, but it didn’t register with me.”
“Then that’s a problem in and of itself. To be that singularly focused without full situational awareness endangered you even more.”
I nod because there’s nothing to argue against that. I want to believe I would’ve noticed any additional threats, but I might not have.
“Little one, let’s get your punishment out of the way, then we can take a bath together.”
“Will it really be that simple to move on?”
“Maddy, I knew I would accept whatever explanation you gave. I’d even accept you not agreeing to a punishment, but you have, and you apologized. My forgiveness and acceptance are unconditional, but I think we’ll both feel better after a spanking. It restores our balance. It gives us what we agreed to, and it’ll allow us to move on from this.”
I bite my bottom lip and nod. He’s right about all of that. That’s exactly what I want. I know plenty of people wouldn’t understand this dynamic, but I couldn’t give a flying fuck because it works for us.
I stand, and he offers me his hand as he rises. We walk side by side through the living room to the hallway. With his broad shoulders, it’s a bit tight to continue down the hallway together, but it feels symbolic walking as his equal. It’s not like he’s leading me to my doom, or that I’m merely following him meekly. We’re in this together, which is part of what accepting the punishment reestablishes or reminds us of because I did do things on my own rather than with a partner.
We step into the guest bedroom, and Javi lets go of my hand.
“It’s not as though I think I’ll be doling out punishments left and right. This isn’t the equivalent of a woodshed, but I don’t want us to associate punishments with our bedroom.”
He hesitates for a moment.
“Well, unless you want to move back to Albany…or move in with your parents, or Laura…you’d have to go to a hotel. While you make up your mind about that…I figured you could…maybe…stay with me.”
His explanation is halting, and he sounds unsure of himself for the first time since he started talking to me when we got here.
“Javi, I definitely want to stay here with you, but being a guest here doesn’t make it our room even if we share it.”
His gaze locks with mine.
“It does when I hope you agree to make it permanent.”
It’s a moment before I nod. He knows that’s not an agreement to the suggestion, but my willingness to consider it. It’s a huge step to live with someone. And even though we’ve talked about our future being together since the very beginning, moving from the theoretical to the real is a huge step. I don’t fear living with him despite my last experience cohabitating with a guy.
It’s more that I want a minute or two to enjoy that control I got back today. It’s not like I’d feel out of control living with Javi. Maybe independence is the better word, or freedom, or I don’t know. There’re no words I can think of right now that would make sense to someone else because it would sound like I don’t want to live with him. That’s not the case. I just need a minute or two on my own to breathe. Maybe next week I’ll agree to live with him. Hell, maybe tomorrow morning. I’m just not quite ready today.
“Maddy, take your time. Neither I nor this condo are going anywhere. If you want to get your own place, then do that. If you want to live with your family again, do that too. Or we could find somewhere together when you’re ready. Just know that being here with me—being anywhere with me—is an option.”
“Thank you.”
“Strip, and I’ll be right back.”
“Yes, Daddy.”
It’s easy for me to fall into that dynamic, not because I’m a Little and he’s a Daddy Dom. It’s not just because I’m about to receive a punishment, which would make plenty of people thinkwe are in a DDLG relationship. It’s not that at all. It’s purely that I feel safe and protected by him. I feel loved and secure around him.
I heard the things Drew told Javi about me when they spoke on the phone. I turned on the intercom that was in the basement to get an idea of what was going on upstairs. Drew must not have known, or maybe he didn’t care, or maybe it was even on purpose, but he stood close enough for me to hear that entire call. I couldn’t hear Javi, but I know the things Drew said about me. It’s not that I believed him, even though I’d heard him say it before. He’d still made me feel shitty at times about my body. Javi has never done that.
Javi steps back into the hallway, and I turn toward the bed as I take off my clothes and fold them. I don’t know where he’s going or what he’s going to get, but I’m certain my spanking won’t just be with his hand. My brow furrows when he returns.
I’m prepared to sink to my knees, but he shakes his head as he puts down an unfitted bedsheet and pillowcase. I watch as he twirls the pillowcase in order to coil it. He steps toward me and directs me to open my mouth. After I do, he secures it as a gag but then pulls it free and low enough so I can speak.
“Maddy, no matter what we do together, ultimately you decide if and when it stops. If you safe word or snap simply because you aren’t enjoying a punishment or because it hurts, I won’t be pleased, but it will stop. If you reach a limit where you truly can’t take any more, then safe word or snap immediately. Don’t try to take more than you can.”
I nod.
