Page 98 of Cartel Viper
“Javi, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I thought I was making the right choice. I didn’t know you were there. I didn’t know when you would get there. I knew you would. I just wasn’t sure when.It was just Elle and me when it started. Then I could hear your men, or at least I assumed they were yours at first. It wasn’t until I came upstairs that I was certain it was Diaz men and not some other syndicate along with Drew.”
I watch him for a moment before he nods, encouraging me to continue.
“Elle and I already discussed what we could do to Drew. None of it involved me going to him and stabbing him or shooting him, but when the chance presented itself?—”
I pause and watch him trying to tell what he’s thinking as he allows me to explain. He told me he would listen, and that’s what he’s doing.
“It wasn’t like the idea popped into my head, and I just took off. It wasn’t like I gave it no thought. I did plenty of it. I knew Elle was capable of protecting herself. I know your men are definitely capable of protecting themselves and protecting Elle and me. I didn’t take it upon myself because I thought there was nobody there to do it. It wasn’t just about revenge, though some of it was about that. I needed him to know it was me. The dog he’d kicked too many times. I wanted to be the last person he saw before he died, but more than anything I wanted to know I could have some control of my life again. That he would no longer be part of it. That he no longer dictated where I could go, what I could do. That those choices were mine again.”
I gaze at my hands in my lap as I gather my thoughts.
“I wanted to get past the fear I’ve lived in and know that I’m not as weak as he made me believe. That after all the times over the years he told me I was useless and worthless and that I was nothing but a pawn for him to move around, I could prove him wrong. But more importantly, to prove to myself that he was wrong. I suppose you could say I wanted to regain my agency, or whatever term you want to use. I wanted to feel free. I knew Iwould be free once he died, but I needed to feel free of the anchor he tied around my neck.”
As I sit on Javi’s lap, explaining why I did what I did, his hand strokes my hip and along my back and ribs. It’s soothing and fortifying me. I’m not scared to share these things with him now that I know he won’t reject me. However, it doesn’t make it easy for me to sit here and wait to discover the full extent of my impending punishment.
“Maddy, I understand that better than most.”
He looks toward the window, and I wait for him to continue, but the silence draws on. Instead, his hand continues to stroke my hip while the other wraps around my shoulder and presses me to lean against him. He strokes the hair back from my forehead and kisses the top of my head. He relaxes more the longer he simply holds me.
“Maddy, I told you I watched my dad die. Jorge was eight. I was nine, almost ten, and Joaquin was nearly eleven. Just a few weeks away from his birthday.Mamáwas at work, andPapáwas taking us to the movies. We’d begged him for a week straight to take us. My brothers and I knew the safety protocols, and we’d sensed there was something going on that was more than the usual danger our parents warned us to look out for. It wasn’t like it was against my dad’s better judgment to take us, but now I regret my brothers and I pushed so hard to do something that seems so insignificant now. We made it to the theater and had a great time while we were there. We got to eat all the snacks our mom would never let us have. It was the stereotype of a dad’s day out. He completely indulged us and was the nice parent when my mom had to be the strict one, at least when it came to what we ate. By the end, all three of us had stomach aches, but we loved it.”
He pauses to kiss the top of my head again, and I think that soothes him. He rests his cheek on my head.
“We were headed to the car with our guards. My brothers and I didn’t notice the first guard to drop, butPapádid. He knew there was a sniper somewhere. He wrapped himself around the three of us and pushed us toward an alley. He didn’t want us to go all the way down there because we would’ve been trapped, but he wanted a place where there were no doors or windows, where someone could creep up behind us. His men ran to block the entrance to the alley, but there wound up being two snipers who picked off half of them before they figured out where the hidden threats were. I watched a man fall out of a tenth-story window when one of our guys hit him, but the other sniper kept going. Then there were men on the street running toward us.”
I rest my hand over his heart, and he sighs.
“Our SUV pulled up, and the remaining two guards andPapáhurried to get the three of us into the car. He’d just closed the door behind me when blood splattered the window. My brothers and I all saw it happen, but I was the one closest to him. I reached out, but the glass was in the way. There was nothing anyone could do. He died in order to protect us. He left himself exposed to make sure the three of us could get in the vehicle. He’d been our shield. He died being a dad before being anything else, but he died because he was in a cartel.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Maddy
I sit in stunned silence as I listen to Javi’s story. I can’t imagine being nine and watching something so horrifying play out before my eyes. The Kutsenko brothers lost their dad to a grisly death when they were close to Javi and his brothers’ ages. However, it happened while their dad was fighting in the Second Chechen War. His brother and brother-in-law were there when it happened, and they saw Kirill die. I can’t imagine how horrible that was to see their brother step on a landmine, but the young boys weren’t there to witness it.
Javi, Joaquin, and Jorge did. Talk about traumatic.
If I made him feel even an iota the same way he must have felt that day, I can’t think of anything much worse than that. I cup his cheeks and offer him a soft kiss. It hardly makes up for anything, and I know it’s not nearly enough to comfort him, but it’s the best I can do since I have no words. They’d be useless platitudes anyway.
“Chiquita, I told you that story because I want you to know more about me. I told you that story so you’d understand just how dangerous it is to be near my family, but I also told you thatstory because I want you to understand you’re just as important to me as anyone else in my family. I can’t imagine surviving mypapá’sdeath all those years ago just to watch the most important person in my life now die too. That’s more than I could bear. I don’t fault you for your reasoning, but I still don’t agree with it.”
He eases me away from his chest, so he can gaze into my eyes.
“You got monumentally lucky because you were outgunned before my men arrived. If you’d tried that any sooner, you would’ve died before you even stepped outside. You did make it outside, and you even made it to him. However, it wasn’t skill, but rather luck that prevailed today. I know you believed stabbing him was enough to distract him, so you could get the gun to his head. However, it was everything going on around you that was in your favor. It also was having all of us nearby in case you failed. Maybe Drew trained you a little to defend yourself. I know your parents taught you to shoot, but I guarantee nothing you know how to do matches what Drew knew.”
He cups my cheek.
“Maybe you have no limits to what you would do just like the rest of us have none, but you simply were not matched in skill and strength to him. You were more likely to die for your efforts than not.”
“Javi, I know.”
“That means you were willing to take that risk—the risk of me losing the person I love. Risk Laura and your parents losing the person they love. You were willing to put us through that kind of agony.”
I try not to let my temper rise, but what he says now is salt in a wound.
“Javi, you might very well be better trained than Drew was or were at least a match to him, but every time you leave togo do whatever it is you do, you put me in that same position. I’ve accepted that because that’s who you are, and that comes with being with you, but don’t for a moment act like I don’t understand that danger or that I don’t understand how you feel. I’ve watched Laura go through it when Maks has to leave. Now I’m going to live it too. I know you believe it was selfish of me to put you in that position, and it was, but—” I shake my head. “It’s not like I want to say you got a dose of your own medicine or that misery loves company, but you do get some insight into what it’s like.”
He nods as he watches me. “That’s fair, but as you said, I’m evenly matched with my adversaries, and you knew this from the get-go. You risking your life wasn’t part of what either of us signed up for.”
