Page 36 of The Life Experiment
‘Do what?’ Joanna replied.
‘Knit the hats and blankets.’
‘It’s simple: someone needs them.’ Joanna pushed the button at the pedestrian crossing like what she had said was the easiest thing in the world to understand.
‘But so many people need things. You don’t see everyone else going out of their way to help.’
‘Maybe I’m not like everyone else,’ Joanna said, flashing Layla a cheeky grin, but then she shrugged. ‘I guess I know what it’s like to go through life thinking everything is fine, then one day it’s not. You lose all confidence in your footing. People you thought were friends are suddenly nowhere to be found. When your dad had his accident, it was the kindness of strangers that got me through. Sometimes, I just needed that person at the bus stop to talk about the weather and make me feel normal. Then there were times when people went out of their way to help. Like once, at the supermarket, I was a pound short for the weekly shop. The cashier wanted me to put something back, but an old lady in the queue gave me the money. She saved me from breaking down at the end of aisle five.’
‘Oh, Mum,’ Layla breathed, slotting her arm through Joanna’s. ‘I had no idea.’
Joanna squeezed Layla’s hand. ‘Your dad and I tried to shield you from it as best we could, but I’ll never forget the kindness of that woman. She was a pensioner, she probably needed the money as much as I did, but she still gave it to me. She helped when she could have chosen not to. Since then, I’ve tried to be that person for someone else whenever I can.’
As the traffic lights changed colour, Layla leaned her head on Joanna’s shoulder. ‘You really are the greatest.’
‘And so are you,’ Joanna said, pressing a kiss to Layla’s hairline.
Layla replayed her mum’s words as they continued their journey home. The more she thought of them, the more Layla wondered if they were the truth.
Layla didn’t feel great, and not just because of her death date. In fact, she hadn’t felt great in a long time. As they reached the familiar street of her childhood home, Layla wondered why that was.
Work was the first thought that came to mind. Life at Mayweather & Halliwell was tiring and stressful, of course it made her feel not-great, but Layla knew it was more than that. Within the walls of that office, she wasn’t the person she wanted to be.
You only have to look at how you are with Sinead to know that, her brain pointed out. Day after day, Layla sat beside a woman who was struggling. Sinead had migrated from Ireland to be with her girlfriend. She didn’t have the support network of her family and hadn’t been in London long enough to make solid friendships. With her work-life taking over and her relationship crumbling, Sinead needed a friend. Layla hadn’t been one for her, or for Rashida.
Guilt tugged at Layla as she thought of how, by running off to Hull, she had abandoned her colleagues at one of the busiest times of year.
The day she decided to hop on a train home, Layla had booked personal leave and told Mayweather & Halliwell that there was a family emergency. At first, everyone was understanding – Michelle even sent an email saying she was thinking of Layla – but by now the caring bubble had burst and the hounds were calling. People needed information about clients and cases, and answers about when she’d reclaim her workload. They needed her back, but Layla couldn’t help thinking,So what?
For years she’d used all the energy she should have spent on herself on her job. It took everything in Layla to not burst into tears at that realisation.
‘Maya, are you home?’ Joanna called as they entered the house.
‘In the kitchen,’ Maya responded. ‘I’ve got work in an hour, though.’
‘Want me to make you some lunch, Mum?’ Layla asked, slipping her feet free from a pair of boots she’d borrowed from Maya.
‘No thanks, sweetheart. I’m not hungry.’
Layla frowned. ‘You must be. You only had an apple for breakfast.’
‘You wouldn’t think that to look at me,’ Joanna joked, patting her stomach. There was something about the gesture that made Layla want to shout at her mother. Her hands itched to grab Joanna’s wrists and beg her to stop being so cruel to herself, but as Joanna headed upstairs, the moment slid through Layla’s fingers.
In the kitchen, Layla found Maya leaning against the fridge, flicking through her phone.
‘All right, Layls?’ Maya asked before taking a bite of a cheese sandwich.
‘Yes. No. Is Mum okay?’
Maya looked up from her phone at the unexpected question. ‘What do you mean?’
‘She’s not eating.’
‘Oh, that,’ Maya replied. ‘She’s in another of her I-want-to-be-thin stages. She thinks some article she read in 2012 about fasting is the answer.’
Reaching into the cupboard for a biscuit, Layla tried not to shake her head. ‘Should we be worried?’
‘Layla, this is Mum. She always thinks there’s something wrong with the way she looks, and she’s always hunting for a diet to fix it.’
