Page 37 of The Life Experiment
‘I know, but it’s so sad to see.’
‘I agree,’ Maya replied, taking another bite of her sandwich. ‘But that’s what years of societal brainwashing does to a person. It makes you hate yourself, then look back at photos and think,Wait, why did I? I looked great!Besides, Mum’s spent years on the bottom of her own priority list. She’s never had time to care for herself in the way she wants to.’
‘Because of Dad’s accident?’
‘Because of life, Layls. Being a mum isn’t easy, never mind being a mum and the partner of someone who became disabled overnight. Mum’s doing the best she can. If this makes her feel like she has some control, then who are we to judge?’
The chocolate biscuit Layla was eating soured in her mouth. ‘I wish we could make her feel better about herself, that’s all.’
‘Make who feel better?’ Joanna said, bustling into the room with the laundry basket.
Like two guilty children, Layla and Maya stood taller. ‘A client from the salon I was telling Layla about,’ Maya lied. ‘No matter what I say, she doesn’t think she looks good.’
‘Poor woman,’ Joanna replied, opening the drum of the washing machine. ‘This world doesn’t tell you how to be confident. It only wipes away whatever confidence you have.’
Layla’s eyes met Maya’s. In them, she saw all the times they had heard Joanna speak negatively about herself. All the times they’d seen her get flustered and upset in a fitting room if an item of clothing didn’t fit. All the times she’d moved to the background of photos rather than be at the front, or not be in them at all.
As Layla’s mouth opened to say something, an alarm went off on her phone, reminding her that it was almost time for her weekly counselling session with Saira.
Experiment rules stipulated that sessions were held virtually one week, and in person the other. Saira had bent this rule for Layla while she was in Hull – but at a compromise, her counselling sessions were upped to twice a week. Layla hadn’t battled against the new structure. If anything, the extra time to talk was needed. Sometimes, the sessions with Saira felt like the only time anything in Layla’s life made sense.
‘I’ve got to make a call,’ Layla said, putting her phone away. ‘Sorry, it’s important.’
‘Another call with the mystery man?’ Maya teased.
Tempted to stick out her tongue in juvenile retaliation, Layla instead let the comment slide. ‘Not quite. A work call.’
‘I was wondering when you were going to get in touch with them. I can’t imagine they’ve loved you disappearing.’
‘Maya,’ Joanna admonished, whipping her with a pair of Jayden’s pyjama trousers. ‘Ignore her, sweetheart. Go talk to whoever you need to.’
Excusing herself from the kitchen before more Angus-inspired comments could be fired her way, Layla headed to her room. Pulling her laptop from under the bed, Layla powered it up. Her eyes found her inbox, the red notification bubble indicating a nauseating number of unread emails, but Layla forced herself to look away. Opening Zoom, she joined the meeting.
Seconds later, Saira’s smiling face filled the screen. ‘Layla,’ she said in a tone so upbeat it was practically a cheer. ‘You’re looking well.’
The compliment mirrored a similar one Saira had made at the start of their last session. Back then, Layla had been so dismissive she almost didn’t hear it, but this time she did. And, after thinking for a moment, she nodded. ‘I feel well. Not perfect, not there yet, but better.’
‘I’m glad to hear it. Remember, take things one day at a time.’
‘That’s my mantra,’ Layla joked, but it wasn’t really funny. ‘One day at a time’ was what Layla told herself when she woke up. She repeated it in her wobbliest moments. One day at a time, bringing her closer to the end of her life, and hopefully closer to the person she was destined to be.
18Angus
Relief came the instant Angus closed the door of his apartment. Finally, he could breathe.
For the entire ten-minute walk to his flat, Jasper had tried to convince Angus that fun could be found within the strobe-lit walls of a nightclub. Each time, Angus had been adamant it could not.
‘You’ve turned boring, my friend,’ Jasper hollered as Angus headed for the lift. Angus didn’t fight him on it. Instead, he let his friend go.
Moving through his apartment, Angus pulled out his phone. He needed to complete an OPM Discoveries questionnaire, but it could wait. There was only one thing he wanted to do with the evening, and it didn’t involve rating his energy level.
Scrolling for Layla’s contact details, Angus paused. He took a breath, and prepared himself to lie.
Angus knew he only had himself to blame for the predicament he was in – he was the one who told the lies – but in the cafe, when Layla asked if he was posh and he denied it, the lie didn’t seem like such a big deal. The more they spoke, though, the more Angus stretched the truth.
He said that Peter owned a business, but he didn’t specify that it was worth tens of millions.
He told Layla anecdotes about his friends, but he didn’t admit to meeting most of them at an elite private school.
