Page 22 of Kept to Kill
‘Of course,’ he murmured, still watching her. He took a drink of his wine and seemed to consider. ‘I’ll be fine here,’ he said after a few moments. ‘You get some rest. You look like you need it.’
‘Are you certain? I don’t mind.’
His gaze on her sharpened. ‘I’m sure, unless you’d like to give me that little show we talked about earlier.’
She successfully halted the gasp before it could give away her shock at his words. Instead she gave him what she hoped was a long-suffering roll of her eyes as she lay back down and turned her back to him, closing her eyes.
She ignored his chuckle behind her and tried not to imagine what he wanted her to do in front of him. Did people really do such things? And she definitely ignored the way her lower region pulsed as shedidn’tthink about it as well.
In the morning, she was woken by a bang on the door and Bastian telling whoever it was to fuck off. The door clicked open anyway and Quin entered, taking in Bastian in the chair and her wrapped tightly in the blanket on the bed.
‘The ship sails in an hour. Get a move on or we’ll miss the tide,’ he ordered, kicking Bastian’s booted foot. The Brother snarled at him, not even bothering to open his eyes, but Quin was already gone, slamming the door behind him.
Lily sat up, keeping the blanket around her as she squatted over the chamber pot quietly and hoped Bastian wasn’t fully awake. That done, she washed her face in the cold, clean water from the copper bucket and then looked at her clothes, wondering how she was going to get dressed with Bastian just sitting there. She surveyed him. He looked asleep. He had come in very late last night and quite drunk.
Deciding to chance it, she got all her clothes ready on the bed and, with her back to him, dropped the blanket and got dressed as fast and as silently as she could.
‘I’ve seen naked women before, you know,’ came his bored-sounding drawl from behind her and she whirled with a yelp, holding her shirt in front of her and thanking the gods her breeches were already on.
‘I thought you were asleep,’ she accused.
‘Not since Quin came in,’ he admitted with a grin, not in the least sorry for watching. He waved a hand as he poured himself another wine from the jug, not taking his eyes from her. ‘Continue, by all means. Pretend I’m not here.’
He was goading her, calling her bluff, and she wasn’t sure what to do. Part of her wanted to drop the shirt and show him that she didn’t care what he saw and the other half thought that was a ridiculous idea because that was clearly whathewanted. She chose the latter and turned away from him, putting her black shirt on quickly and the tunic over it, donning her cloak for good measure. She heard his quiet laugh and she scowled. And to think she’d tried to be friendly last night.
She ignored Bastian as he hefted himself out of the chair with a grunt and washed his face. Then he put on his sword belt and opened the door, gesturing with a flourish for her to go first. She did, inching past him carefully despite the fact that she was once again wearing gloves and the only part of her that wasn’t safely covered was her face. But it was always important to be careful … She shook herself free of dark thoughts and made her way down the stairs slowly, wincing as they creaked at the early hour.
She found Mal waiting for them in the deserted tap room, looking impatient.
Bastian immediately waved a hand in her direction. ‘It’s her fault. Took an age getting dressed.’
She scowled at him but didn’t dignify what he’d said with a reply. Mal simply rolled his eyes and walked out. Bastian followed with a grin and she let them lead her outside. The morning sun made the snow on the mountains glisten. As the panic of being unconfined reared up, Lily forced herself to think of it as if she were simply looking out of the casement. Tried to forget she was outdoors at all.
She walked down the busy street with the Brothers and their men. She was in the middle of their formation in her own little space, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Not only did being in the center of them mean no one could jostle her or, you know, accidentally die horribly, but it actually helped with the panic that was trying to claw its way to the surface. She wondered how long it would be before it all became too much. It would happen. It always did sooner or later. After every trip with Vineri, she’d had an attack within days of being back in the tower. Being safe didn’t seem to matter. She’d have dreams about it, awful, vivid nightmares until she woke drenched in sweat and gasping for breath, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she lay in her bed, dizzy and disoriented.
She hoped it didn’t happen in front of them. Gods only knew how they’d take that sort of weakness. Vineri had seen it just once and had made sport of her with his men forever after. He’d brought it up whenever he decided she needed putting in her place and had made sure she knew how pathetic she was.
She’d detested that man, yet the thought of him lying dead made her feel sad. She wasn’t sure if it was because she’d cared about him or not. And if she had, she didn’t understand if it was because he’d been her savior or it was simply that she’d had no one else in the world who’d cared about her – even though he probably hadn’t.
Staring at the ground and lost in her musings, she was surprised when the Brothers in front of her stopped. She looked up and gasped at the sight. So many ships! There were small ones by the long docks that went out into the water and much larger ones anchored in the bay. She wondered which one they’d be taking, finding herself excited by the prospect of the adventure.
Would she have a cabin? She hoped so. Would there be a galley and would they let her look around if the crew were elsewhere? Brightening at the idea, she felt lighter as they began to move again and she found herself walking on the wooden slats of the docks themselves. She looked down and could see the dark water sloshing beneath her feet, making her feel a bit unsteady. Lily focused instead on the ships they were passing. No one marked their presence at all. She supposed the people here must be used to seeing all sorts of travelers, Brothers included.
They walked all the way to the end of the docks, where a largish ship was tied up and a gangplank was attached ready for boarding. She looked up at it in awe. It was an impressive ship. She’d seen drawings of them in books before and this one was definitely nice. The three masts were so tall she had to crane her neck to see the crow’s nest at the top and the sails – well, they were all folded away until they reached the open sea, she guessed.
She watched as Quin hailed one of the men onboard and they were moving again, this time across the gangplank and onto the ship’s main deck. She tried not to gape, sure they’d poke fun at her, but she couldn’t help but swing her head this way and that, not wanting to miss anything.
‘… girl. Lilith?’
She turned, finding Quin in front of her, telling her something.
‘Sorry?’ she asked.
He rolled his eyes at her. ‘When you are in my presence, you will keep your attention on me, girl,’ he barked and she frowned.
From the corner of her eye, she saw that they’d drawn the crew’s attention. He’d done that on purpose, but she wasn’t sure why. Vineri had sometimes shouted at her when they were with new people to ensure that everyone knew that he was the one in charge, that he pulled her strings, so to speak. Perhaps Quin was doing the same. But whereas with Vineri she always acquiesced, she decided that she wouldn’t be doing that anymore. She was not a puppet, not a trained beast. So she looked him in the eye, her expression stony, not letting the anger she saw in his eyes deter her, though she knew she’d probably be punished for showing him up in front of the other men later.
‘Take her below,’ he ordered Mal, and she noticed how he ignored that some of the crew were smirking. He observed it, though, and inwardly she cringed. Yes, she’d be paying for that little show of defiance later. Men like him didn’t like being questioned in front of other men, especially not by those they thought of as lesser.
