Page 11 of Miles. Alton & The 9:04
“Hey.I'm opening up here, starting our bromance.”
“You don't have to do that for me.I'm okay.”
“You're not, but hey, I just need you to know, that sometimes, as men we get it wrong too,” Jiminy said.“What you think you want in a woman isn't what you need in a life partner.I thought having a little lady at home to start and raise a family was what I wanted, but all she got was bored.She started yoga, I tried to do the stretches, and it opened my hole too.I got a helluva lot of gas, and all that farting made her put me out of the little She-shed.I mean, I got my toe behind my ear and it must have relaxed my sphincter because it came out like a bunch of raspberries from kids on the playground blowing spit bubbles.”
Jiminy proceeded to demonstrate the move.He removed a leather loafer flexing his toes.In a swift motion, he kicked his leg into the air, as if he were doing a forward-facing axe kick, then he shifted his butt cheek, bringing his toe to his ear.Jiminy inhaled slowly and when he exhaled, a loud raspberry swoosh of stinky air emanated from his bottom.The man blushed, and said, “see there.Every single time.”
“Please go home and take your wood-molesting quill pig with you,” Thom said.
“Thom, hey.Man.Seriously.My momma told me to pray on it and ask the universe for what I needed,” Jiminy said bring down his leg and putting his shoe on.“I prayed for clarity, and then I took an early lunch and came home to find Sophia doing the nasty with Milbert.You know he suggested I should join in with the two of them?When I refused, he honestly offered to go home and get his sister.I was like, man, you do realize she's also my cousin, and that fool said you know she's cute with that big ol’ camel toe.He even asked me if I fantasized about licking it, then admitted he often did.I was disgusted.”
“Pretty much like I am now,” Thom said.
“Hey, Thom.I prayed on it, and the next day, Lucy Roberts, who is a divorce attorney and Milbert's former fiancé, took my case pro-bono.I got away from Sophia without having to pay her alimony or care or upkeep,” he said.“I'm thinking about renting out the She-shed, which is actually a mini one-bedroom house with a kitchen and bathroom.I could be making money with it.”
It was then that Thom Brown actually smiled.As ludicrous as the conversation was, buried in one of the damp holes Jiminy referenced was a bout of wisdom.Tonight, before he went to bed, he planned to have a little talk with Jesus to see if He could help make it right.His stomach growled loudly.He had really eaten little breakfast, the company for lunch had killed his appetite, and now he was really and truly hungry.
“I tell you what.I have a few chicken cutlets I was planning to place on the grill with a bit of asparagus and some corn on the cob.Let me get that going and we can eat some dinner,” he told Jiminy.
“Hey, thank you, man.I get tired of eating alone,” Jiminy said.“I'm not tired enough to get another woman, but now and then, coming home to a body to talk to would be nice.I share my day; she tells me about hers.Hell, at this point, I'd settle for hearing about your train dusting schedule.Seriously, though, is there a dusting schedule for that museum?That shit looks like a lot of work.”
“Anything worthwhile requires work, Jiminy,” Thom said, not realizing that the words he spoke into the universe would return to haunt him.
Chapter Five – Grapple
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WEDNESDAYS WERE TOUGHERthan Fannie Burton on girls who came to Bible study wearing short skirts.Before the service ended, there would be fights and arguments, mostly leading to Fannie running off young people wanting to learn more about the good Lord and being God-fearing, righteous citizens of Keystone, South Dakota, the town where Megan currently lived and had grown into womanhood.Megan Dootch had outgrown Keystone and was ready for a new life.
In the life she currently lived, she shared a two-bedroom, one bath home with her Momma, who’d recently moved in her lover, a man with three oversized front teeth and wayward hands.It wasn’t Megan’s place to judge her mother’s choices, but she was a grown woman and if she didn’t like the atmosphere of a place, then it was her responsibility to place her body elsewhere.Tritt Wiley had shown up two weeks prior with everything he owned in a brown paper bag, sitting astride his Harley Fat Boy and an appetite for loving.Truthfully, Sally Dootch deserved to be loved on, not necessarily by Tritt Wiley, but he made the lady forget her life was terrible.Megan saw no reason to stand in their way.
“Sweetie, whatcha gonna do with yourself?I mean, I’m not asking you to leave; this is your home too,” Sally tried to reason with her.
“Momma, you deserve your privacy and to work on whatever it is you and this man with his clothing in a grocery bag, are going to do,” Megan said, giving her mother a full embrace.“It’s time for me to get out there and see what the world has to offer and live my best life.”
“Megan, a sweet girl like you ain’t cut out for the harshness of the real world,” her mother countered.“In this world, you have to fight for everything you get, and nobody is giving away anything free.Anything you touch has a price, whether you pay in money, time, or your soul.”
