Page 88 of On My Side
Ren
Playlist: Not Strong Enough | boygenius
Part of me hoped Audrey would meet me for the last mile of my run the next morning, as has become routine. Maybe I should be grateful she’s taking my request for space seriously, but that last mile felt like torture without her and the coffee I didn’t know how much I enjoyed.
The following week, it feels like there isn’t a moment I’m not thinking about Audrey. When I record, when I shower, when I run, when Leia screams at me for keeping the door closed too long, when I pass the part of the seawall where she waited for me with cold coffee for the first time all those months ago…
I told her I needed space, and now I’m haunted by her ghost.
On Saturday morning, the idea of passing that spot for the fourth time since I told her I needed space seemed so awful I asked Will to meet me at the gym instead. He happily agreed, insisting we have brunch at his place after.
“You seem… pissed.” Will’s words are slow, like if he says them at a slower speed, they won’t piss me off even more.
It doesn’t work.
I grit my teeth. “Didn’t get enough sleep last night.”
Will squints at me suspiciously and hands me a plate to dry. “You usually seem monumentallylesspissed after working out.”
“Yeah, well,” I mutter. “Shocking news, endorphins don’t cure you of having to deal with shit.”
I immediately regret referring to what’s going on with Audrey as “shit.” It seems to minimize everything between us.
“Have you tried getting laid?” Will asks casually, and I’m so taken aback I almost drop the plate.
“I… don’t do that,” I sputter, face heating.
“Ah.” Will nods his head. “So you were hooking up with someone and the sex was good and then you remembered why you don’t hook up and you’re mopey about it because you really like the person… but they thought it was casual?”
I stare at him in shock. “What the hell? Have you been spying on me?”
“I’m your best friend,” he says simply, rinsing his hands and turning off the sink. “Even when I lived in LA, I know you enough to know when something’s off. I knew it with Taylor, I knew it when you and that guy were fooling around in college, I knew it when you tried to keep your sex god alter-ego from me…”
“Okay, I get it,” I interrupt, leaning against the counter and folding my arms across my chest. “We can’t keep secrets from each other.”
Will clears his throat, and looks away. “Exactly. So stop trying. Why don’t we sit and you tell me all about it? Pretend I’m your therapist.”
I roll my eyes. “I have to go home and get ready for the private lesson I have in a bit.”
“Speaking of, why are you doing private lessons again? I thought you hated them and were making enough money with 4Play?”
“Just for this one kid,” I mutter. “She’s talented and actually cool as hell. She’s a high schooler, and wants to be a concert pianist.”And I think I’m in love with her mom, but we’ll explore that part of the equation at a later date.
“What are you doing for yourself?” he asks.
The fifteen year old inside me wants to answer with “her mom,” but I bite my tongue. Because I’m not anymore. I haven’t reached out to her, she hasn’t reached out to me. What would we say if wedidtalk?Hey, I know you’re super protective of your kid, and I get it the world’s been awful to you, but also it makes me sad please let me love you.
Pathetic.
“Do you have time for a quick round of Mario Kart before you go? Maybe it’ll make you feel better?” Will asks hopefully.
I agree, and we play like we did as kids. It unfortunately doesn’t do too much for my mood, and because I’m so distracted, he beats me for what I’m pretty sure is the first time ever.
When I get to the inn, Piper is already at the piano, tapping outChopstickson the keys.
“You know Ihate Chopsticks,” I grumble as I slide beside her on the bench. I mean it to sound playful, but I’m pretty sure it comes across as cruel by the way her face falls and her hands drop to her lap.
“Why are adults such dickheads lately?” she complains. “First Mom, now you.”
