Page 48 of Follow Your Instincts

I collapsed on the edge of the bed, buried my head in my hands, and basked in the self-loathing that had become my constant companion.

Thoughts of my packmates haunted me, just like those from so many years ago. Soren, Lucas, and Ben were like extensions of my own body, limbs that I’d suddenly cut off but could still feel. But unlike my first pack, this was my own choice, which hurt in a whole different way.

I turned on the TV for background noise, battling the rising impulse to dosomething. To fix the situation, to reunite with my pack, to tell Ben that I needed him with a force that shocked me, to tell Maggie I would do anything for the chance to show her I would never, ever hurt her.

I swallowed all those instincts. They couldn’t be trusted.

I woke up a few hours later to banging on the door, wrenched from a dream of Maggie, Ben, and I that would never come true. It was fully dark outside. I didn’t remember falling asleep, but my stomach felt hollow from hunger.

The banging sounded again. I stumbled across the room and opened the door. I wanted to slam it shut immediately.

“Don’t even think about it,” Ben growled, catching the door before I could shut it.

I turned my back on him and walked back towards the bed, clenching my fists. His anger was making his scent even stronger, and I tamped down the urge to press him against thewall that rose within me.

“You look like shit.” Ben entered the room and closed the door behind him.

“Thanks. I feel even worse,” I said.

“Good. Now get your stuff packed, we’re going home,” he said.

I shook my head. “No.”

“No? What do you mean ‘no’?” Ben started pulling my clothes out of the drawers and shoving them roughly into the one suitcase I’d packed.

“I’m not going with you.” I stayed on the opposite side of the room.

Ben rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like “melodramatic asshole.” He shoved clothes into the suitcase even more forcefully. “You don’t get to just give up. You acted like an idiot in front of a pretty girl, it’s not the end of the world.”

“I lost control,” I said. “I’m no better than the Alpha that attacked her on the night she presented.”

“Sorry. We must have different memories of what happened last Sunday. Did you hurt Maggie?” he asked.

“No but-”

“Did you threaten her?”

“I growled at-”

“Did you even touch Maggie?”

“No! But I grabbed-”

“So I’m failing to see why you think you need to do all… this,” he said, gesturing to the hotel room. “I know you’re feeling very ‘tragic hero’ at the moment, but it’s been long enough. You’re coming home.”

“No. I’m leaving the pack,” I said roughly.

Ben rolled his eyes. “Again, I appreciate the drama. But no, you’re not. You’re our pack leader, Lach. Fucking act like it.”

“I’mtrying to,” I said angrily. “If I leave, you guys have a chance at creating the pack we always wanted.”

Ben took two steps towards me. I couldn’t back up anymorewithout hitting the wall behind me. “The packwewanted. You are included in that we, even when you’re being a grumpy, melodramatic, infuriating…” Ben took a deep breath. “There is no pack without you, you idiot. So come home.”

“It’s not that easy. Do Lucas and Soren even want me to come back?”

“Oh my god, you’re so dense sometimes. They are literally waiting in the car to drive us home. So please help me pack your shit,” Ben brandished the two shirts he was holding in exasperation.

Going home was all I wanted to do. Which meant I probably shouldn’t do it.

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