Page 82 of Loving the Legend
I nod again.
“How can I help?”
You can’t. No one can.
I clear my throat. “It’s over.”
The stinging shame and embarrassment, on the other hand, are mushrooming. I want to crawl into a dark hole and stay there until the shame passes in a hundred years. And the exhaustion. I could sleep for a month, and it probably wouldn’t be enough.
“I just need to sleep. You should go celebrate with you—”
“No,” he interjects. His fingertips graze the underside of my chin. I fight the urge to clench my eyes shut as my gaze crawls to meet his. I'm not sure what I expected to find, but it wasn't the watery eyes staring back at me.
“I want to see all of you, remember?”
I reach up and wipe the tears from his face. “I’m sorry…I scared you.”
He shakes his head. “I scared you first by saying I wanted you for myself. I’m sorry.”
“I want you too.” The words fly out of my mouth.
God, I’m so confused. My heart wants one thing, but my brain tells me to run fast and stick to the plan.
“It’s just you’re famous as fuck, and I’m private. I plan to fly below the radar for as long as I can. I got freaked out when I thought about what it would mean for us to be together publicly,” I admit.
He leans back to sit on the floor as his outstretched legs bracket my thighs. “It’s incredible. The first person in my adult life I want to go all in for doesn’t want any part of my fame." He shakes his head. "You don’t know how many people I’ve had to cut out because that’s all they want from me."
“If I were with you, it’d be just for you.”
He nods. “I know. I knew that from the jump. I don’t care about fame. I work hard to keep my public image focused on ball and the issues I care about.”
“I want the same thing.”
“I don’t want to push you, but we could make this work,” he says, reaching for my hand. “My family already knows I’m bi. I see myself coming out publicly later. We can be together but keep our relationship out of the public eye.”
How? For one, we live in separate states. Could we really make long-distance work? Also, how would we explain our being seen together publicly? We can’t hide behind closed doors all the time. As I gaze into his soulful eyes and absorb the swell of emotions that make me want to hold on to him and never let go, figuring out the details seem less important.
I release a heavy sigh. “Okay.”
“Okay?” His eyes widen with hope.
“Okay.”
“Okay, as in we’re doing this? You're mine?” he asks, a shy grin peeking through.
I grin. “I’m yours.”
He pulls me into his lap, and we grin at each other like idiots.
“I’m yours too…only yours,” he says, sending a flare of heat up my spine. He leans in to kiss me, and I deepen it, drawing a low moan from him.
“I have nightmares and panic attacks sometimes,” I admit once we pull apart.
His forehead creases. “When did they start?”
“After my parents died.”
“What can I do to help when they happen?”
