Page 32 of Loving the Legend
“So, it would be more than scratching an itch. Is that part of what’s terrifying?”
“Mm-hmm. That and being gay in the league.”
“Wow…okay. Well, your parents would probably say what I will say—you deserve to be happy. I know basketball means theworld to you. You don’t have to choose. If it turns out you’re not straight, you can still play basketball. If and when you decide to come out is your decision. It’s bullshit, the idea that people have to run out of the closet as soon as they realize that they’re not straight. You can take time to process, date privately,andbe an amazing athlete. If and whenever you decide to come out publicly, I will be right by your side. You’re young, kid. You have time to figure it all out. We’ll talk about how to practice safe sex when you come home in a few days.”
I know he’s right. They would want me to do what’s right for me. His advice has a way of opening windows and letting light into all of the suffocating and dark places that trip me up. “Thanks, Unc. But it’s a little too late for the sex talk.”
“I thought you hadn’t been with men.”
“I haven’t."
“We’ll talk about how you have sex with men safely, wise guy.”
I laugh, and it feels so good. I’ve been low-key spiraling all morning. “Oh, yeah…duh.”
“Now, on the matter of Sid, it sounds like there’s chemistry between you two. Has he said anything to make you think he’s homophobic?"
“No, actually, his cousin and childhood best friend are here and they’re gay, I think. Sid seems cool with it, like really cool.”
“That’s good. Let’s validate that you have feelings for him, even if we aren’t sure about his feelings for you. Maybe he’s someone you could confide in whenever you feel it’s safe to do so.”
“Yeah, maybe. How do I not act like a freak around him?”
“First, be kind to yourself. Liking someone or desiring them is nothing to be ashamed of. Also, any relationship worth its salt begins with friendship. You’re just getting to know him. Maybe focus on that. Get to know him and allow him to get to know you.If there is more there, in my experience, it won’t stay hidden for long.”
I think about that. I do want to get to know him. Friendship doesn’t sound bad. Maybe if I got laid, it’d take the edge off. It’s been months since I’ve fucked anyone. Maybe I’m just horny.
“Thanks. I know literally putting out fires is your passion, but you could be a therapist.”
“Expect my invoice in the mail,” he says, chuckling.
“I still want to buy you a bigger house and a tricked-out whip.”
“I don’t need any of that, kid. I’m already a super proud uncle.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s true. My break is over. I gotta run. See you in a few days.”
“Stay safe, please. I know it’s your job, but try not to run into burning buildings unless you like, really,reallyhave to,” I plead.
“Heard. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I take a deep breath after we hang up. Every time we speak, I can’t shake the gut-twisting ache that it might be the last time.
I throw on briefs and a T-shirt and lie down, closing my eyes. Friendship doesn’t seem so hard. I can do this.
A couple of minutes later, there's a knock on the door.
“Yo!”
“It’s open,” I respond.
One glance at Sid’s very fitted velvet Christmas-themed onesie and I burst out laughing.
“Dig it?” he asks, with a sexy grin. He sets down the gift that I brought for him and then struts around in a circle, hitting one ridiculous pose after another.
