Page 137 of Covenant

And the Buckinghams are The Firm.

It makes me realize I should’ve put in applications at other law firms when I was struggling before. I held off because of how I’d left Lawson and Buckingham. I had no references. Nothing.

Now I suspect that wouldn’t have been an issue.

It’s not the only thing holding me back either. It’s ridiculous, but deep down, I’m not sure I want to be distracted from thinking about Matthias. Being distracted means forgetting what we had. Forgetting means moving on.

I can’t. I don’t want to.

I should, but I fucking don’t.

“The vibe is off in here,” Koa says, his dark eyes moving around the room as he presses Jackson’s legs outward, stretching them.

“Yeah, my brother just broke up with his husband and is being a baby about it.”

I scoff, my fingers slipping from the keyboard.

“It’s more than that,” I murmur.

Jackson rolls his eyes. “It is, but he won’t tell me.”

My jaw clicks and I purse my lips. I won’t lash out. I won’t. I’m the older brother. I can keep it together.

“He was happy when he was with Matthias though. Now he’s a huge grump. I bet Matthias is miserable too, but Wyatt doesn’t seem to care.”

My hands freeze and my eyes close.

“Jackson. Enough.”

“I told him to call Matthias, but neither of them is trying to make this work. Even though they’d be happier together.”

“Enough!” My voice explodes from me, making Jackson and Koa freeze. “You know nothing, Jackson.Nothing.Fucking shut up about it!”

I grab my laptop and move into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I slump on the bed, my head falling into my hands as I inhale and exhale. Fuck. Fuck this. It’s too much.It’s too much.

I’m trying to hold it together, but I’m unable to do it. I can’t.

I pull out my phone and like a bad habit, I pull up pictures of Matthias and me. The two of us smiling on our honeymoon, everything about me so happy.

I was so fucking happy.

My entire body aches and I fall sideways on the bed, scrolling through more photos, and then one appears. One of me and Matthias when we were younger. I never got rid of them. Despite trying to, I never could make myself.

I used to scroll through them when I wanted to feel something.

And I’m doing the same again.

It’s one of me and Matthias lying on the ground, smiling up at the camera. So young. So naive.

I can’t help but send it to him.

A jab, I know, but I do it anyway.

He doesn’t respond, but I see he’s read the message. He’s seen what we once were. What he ruined with his lies. What he discarded when he didn’t fight harder for us.

My eyes squeeze shut and I bury my head in the pillow, darkness descending on me once more.

I miss him.

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