Page 11 of Confessions of a Former Puck Bunny

In the middle of the last act, he reclaimed my hand, and once again, I didn’t have the strength to pull away. Instead I shut my eyes for a moment and soaked in the warmth of his touch and the fluttery sensation in my chest.

As the play came to a close, I swore his gaze moved to my lips. Holding hands was one thing, but kissing was another, one I couldn’t let happen, no matter how tempting. So I panicked, and with none of the grace I used to possess, jerked my hand away and then tried to cover like I was merely clapping.

Ryder raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

Okay, if I ever decided to try the dating thing again, I’d need a refresher course in how to be smooth. But I wasn’t going to delude myself that the guy next to me would be a good guy to practice on. That was like flirting with a rattlesnake and then being surprised he bit you.

I might not mind if Ryder bit me…

No, bad thoughts. Abort, abort.

I couldn’t exactly bolt since I’d come with him, and a taxi would set me back about forty dollars that I didn’t have. Ah, gotta love the special moments you get to decide if it was more dangerous to skip eating for a week, or to spend more time with a hockey player who you were struggling to keep only platonic feelings for.

At least standing and crossing my arms, so I wouldn’t be tempted to reach for Ryder, made me feel more in control.

Attachments are a weakness. Remain in control at all costs. Even if it makes you look like a prude crazy person.

“Did you like it?” Megan asked as we reached the main, much wider aisle leading to the exit.

“Yeah, it was amazing,” I said, and I meant it. I was going to make it a goal to attend more events like this in the future. My soul felt fed for the first time in a long time.

Ryder placed his hand on my upper back, his thumb gently pressing into the base of my neck, and the surge of awareness that shot up my spine nearly made me stumble over my own feet—downside of crossed arms, if you fell, it would definitely be on your face. “I’m just glad I had Lindsay next to me to translate what was going on.”

“I was mostly impressed by the guys wearing tights,” Dane said, and with a shake of her head, Megan kissed his cheek.

“It’s a good thing you’re cute.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and curled her tighter to him. “And good in the sack?”

Megan’s cheeks flushed pink but she laughed. “And with that, we’ve officially passed the length of time Dane can pretend to be a proper gentleman. We better get you out of here before you blurt out even more inappropriate things.”

“You like when I’m inappropriate, admit it.” Dane pushed open the door. After everything that happened with his roommate—the very hockey player who messed me up so badly—I started loathing Dane by association. To be fair, not only him, but the entire hockey team. I supposed it was time to try to let some of my bitterness go, even though it had made a good shield for a while.

Until the dude with his hand on my back wouldn’t give up on talking to me, and I still couldn’t figure out why.

The cold air hit me like a slap as we stepped outside. Wishing for my big coat instead of this flimsy jacket, I crossed my arms tighter and focused on my steps as I trailed after Megan and Dane. I didn’t dare glance back at Ryder, despite feeling his hulking presence behind me, because I was in control.

But when he quickened his steps, opened the car door for me, and said, “Milady,” as he gave a bow, my control fell right to the sidewalk and a giggle broke free. My first impression of him was that he was a silent sentinel type, and his unexpected humor always caught me off guard.

It also made it impossible to not play along. “Thank you, kind sir.” I slid inside and he scooted in after me. When I shivered, Ryder shrugged off his hoodie and extended it toward me.

Without it, all he’d have was a thin T-shirt, which was no match for Boston nights, almost spring or not. “Oh, that’s okay. I’m sure the heater will warm me up.”

“Well, until then…” He pressed the wadded navy fabric into my hands. “I don’t really get cold anyway.”

Since my teeth were approaching chattering level, I pulled the hoodie over my jacket. The lingering lumberjack scent and body heat damaged what little control I had left. It took all my willpower to resist sniffing it as I cuddled it tighter to my body. I held up an arm, laughing at the several inches of fabric hanging off.

“I look ridiculous.”

Ryder leaned closer, and when he spoke, his breath skated across my neck. “You look hot. Like you always do.”

The next shiver that racked my body wasn’t from the cold. I really needed to put on the brakes before this—whatever it was between us—grew even more out of control, and make sure lines were firmly drawn and understood by both parties. I didn’t want to do it with Dane and Megan in the car, though, so I decided to lay down some boundaries when we were alone again.

Until then, would it be so bad to snuggle up next to him and enjoy it?

But then I’d crave more and more and end up getting burned all over again.

And this is why I can’t have nice things.

---