Page 12 of Confessions of a Former Puck Bunny

Ryder slowed in front of my car after I pointed out that it was mine. I told him he didn’t need to walk me to it, but he took the chivalry thing very seriously.

“So, do we need to meet up for those last few problems or do you think you’ll be okay until your next assignment?” he asked.

I glanced at him, trying and failing not to notice his strong jawline and how the T-shirt stretched across his chest and showed off his biceps—weirdo didn’t have a single goose bump, either, and I was barely okay in both my jacket and his. “I’m afraid saying that I’m actually starting to understand this stuff will give you a bigger head than you already have.”

“Oh, I already know that I’m a kick-ass tutor. What’ll really give me a big head is if you admit to having had the tiniest bit of fun tonight.”

“Then I better not say it.” Even though I’d kept my tone light, a twinge went through my chest. I did have fun. More fun than I’d had in a long time. Which meant it was time to ruin it all before I did something stupid and let myself get caught up in a guy who’d move on once the chase was over. Thinking of other girls holding his hand, snuggling up next to him, and laughing at his jokes sent a toxic swirl through my gut, which was silly. I barely knew him.

“Look, Ryder—er, Ox.”

He shook his head. “Nope. You can’t change in the middle.”

“I can do whatever I want,” I shot back.

“Youcanbe really difficult.”

Ugh. Why did I like this guy again?

One corner of his mouth turned up as he grabbed my hand over the sleeve of his too-long sweatshirt. Despite the layer of the fabric, a zing sang up my arm and settled deep in my chest.

I swallowed, hoping it’d help shove down that irksome longing drifting up again. “I think it’s pretty obvious that I don’t normally do this.”

“Have fun?” At my glare, he wiped the smile off his face. “Sorry. No more jokes.”

“I like the jokes.”More than I should.“You’re different than I expected. But I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

His eyebrows drew together. “So you don’t need help with math?”

“No. I mean, yes. I mean, I’m not talking about the math part.” I exhaled a white puff of air. “I appreciate your help with my class, and heaven knows I need it if I’m going to pass…”

Am I really doing this? Saying good-bye to killer chemistry and Thor-worthy biceps?

“But I don’t date hockey players,” I forced out before my unhelpful thoughts got the best of me and I forgot to lay down much-needed boundaries. “Or do anything resembling that. Anymore. In case you thought maybe I…” I reached up and twisted one of the drawstrings around my finger. “I’m not the same girl I used to be.”

“I know that you edit the paper, that I like it when you smile and laugh, and that I like you.” His pale-blue eyes locked on to me. “It’s that simple.”

“But it’snotsimple. I’m not looking for a hookup, but that’s not me trying to pressure you into a relationship, because I’m also not looking for anything serious. I have to focus on my classes and the paper, and passing this damn math class that’s trying to kill me. Then I’m moving to New York City for a summer internship that I hope will turn into a full-time job. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, and I’m not going to blow it all now.”

I didn’t just mean the school or my internship, either. I wasn’t going back to the girl I used to be. I was never jumping back on that emotional rollercoaster where I wasn’t at the controls, getting my validation from all the wrong things—that was why I had to remain strong, no matter how tempting the guy.

Ryder simply stood there for a moment like he was soaking it in. Just when I didn’t think he was going to verbally respond, he gave one sharp nod. “Got it. Honestly, playoffs are around the corner, and that’s my main focus. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. We can just see what happens.”

“But I’m telling you what happens. Nothing.”

“Nothing? No tutor student relationship? No friendship? No chance?”

I opened my mouth to tell him yes to no chance, but it got jumbled in my head because of the yeses and the nos, and the complication that I did need a tutor—more specifically him, as he was the only person who ever spoke math in a way that it almost made sense. Plus, when he put it that way, saying no to friendship would kind of make me feel like a bitch, and I was sick of feeling like that. Almost as much as I was determined to not end up broken again.

“How about this?” He tightened his grip on my hand and pulled me a step closer. “We stick to tutoring, and maybe work on the fun thing when we can. Let’s call it stress relief time. I think we both could use that, right?” he asked, and I reluctantly nodded, because I still wasn’t sure I could trust myself around him. “And I’d say something horribly cheesy like we only live once, but then I’d have to punch myself in the face, and that’d make me look crazy, and you probably don’t want to be friends with a crazy person.”

“I don’t know that I’d go calling you sane, for the record.”

He grinned as if I’d called him endearing, which I hadn’t, even if I was thinking it. “For the record, I’m not sure I trust the definition of sanity from a girl who doesn’t like ketchup.”

He wasn’t like the other hockey players I used to hang around, I’d give him that. Damn cute guy and his damn backward hat that gave him a sexy boyish look despite his size.

He walked me over to my car door. “I’ll text you later.”

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