Page 104 of Never Have I Ever
I don’t want to hurt her, even if I’m mad that she did this without asking me first, without realizing that I’d hate for her to give me her money, I can’t hurt her.
“I didn’t cling to you,” she says, her voice breaking.
Oh fuck, don’t do this to me. I might break if I see her cry. I want to take it all back. I didn’t mean a single word that escaped my mouth.
“Why, Rosie?” I ask her, my voice softening.
She looks down at the ground and shakes her head.
“Why?” I ask her again.
“Because I love you!” she yells, lifting her head in time for me to see a tear fall down her cheek.
I flinch backwards. What the fuck did she just say?
34
Broken hearts club
Rosalie
“You’re lying.”
I feel another teardrop on my lip, tasting the salty evidence of Grayson breaking my heart. I wanted to help him, and he came to me, angry as if I had attacked him.
“What do you want me to say, Grayson?” I’ll do anything he asks me to at this point. He wanted to know why I helped him, and I told him the truth. I love him. I helped him because I love him, even if he doesn’t love me.
He’s frantic, running a hand through his hair as he stares at me with shock. “Tell me you’re lying.”
I shake my head, using my hand to wipe my tears. “I can’t do that.”
He laughs bitterly. “You don’t love me,” he says. “It’s impossible. Love isn’t real.”
I’m sick of him saying that. I’m tired of him trying to invalidate what I feel for him, for making me think I’m crazy for being in love with him. “You can’t dictate my feelings,” I tell him. “I love you, Grayson,” I say again, my voice cracking. “I’m in love with you, and that’s why I helped you. Because even if you don’t want to be with me, I still want you to be happy, whether that’s here or in another state.”
His jaw clenches when he hears those words come out of my mouth. He shakes his head, avoiding eye contact with me. “Whatever you feel, it’s not love. You’re attracted to me, maybe even like spending time with me, but that’s not love. There’s no such thing!”
“I love you,” I tell him again, feeling the tears fall freely now. I never thought he’d be the one to make me cry.
“No,” he snaps. “You don’t. What you feel is lust, but you’re too inexperienced to know the difference.” He laughs bitterly, running a hand down his face. “I knew this would happen. You’re too naïve for your own good. I’m the first guy to stick it in you, and now you think you’re in love.”
Every word he says digs into my stomach like a knife.Too inexperienced. Too naïve.“I love you,” I say again, my voice so quiet it’s barely a whisper.
“Stop,” he says, pinching his nose. “Stop saying that.”
I take a step closer to him, wrapping my hand around his. “You don’t feel anything for me at all?” I ask him. “Nothing?” He doesn’t need to be in love with me today. I just want to know I’m not alone in this and that he has feelings for me, no matter how small. Anything. I just want something.
He swallows as he looks down at our hands. Mine wrapped in his as I intertwine our fingers, trying to make him feel the bolt of electricity I feel whenever I touch him, whenever I’m near him.
He curses and pulls away from me, and I know. “No,” he says. The knife twists deeper. “I don’t.” He steps back, and his jaw clenches.
“Nothing?” I ask again, my lip trembling.
He looks to the side, his jaw clenched. He can’t even look at me. “I told you. I warned you that if you couldn’t handle it, we wouldn’t do it.”
“I didn’t know I would fall in love with you.”
He looks at me again, and his mouth opens like he wants to say something and then closes again. “I told you not to catch feelings. I never wanted to hurt you. Never.” His jaw clenches again. “This is all on you. I’m sorry.” And with that he turns and walks away.
