Page 85 of Someone to Have
“It’s only natural you’d fall for the man who makes you feel that way.”
“He could make a brick wall feel that way. It’s his superpower. It doesn’t make me special.”
“Whoa.” She holds up a hand in front of the camera. “Damn right it doesn’t. You don’t needanyman to make you feel special. You’re special just by being you. The point of the bucket list challenge isn’t to turn you into someone different. It’s to help you see who you’ve been all along. Like Dorothy inThe Wizard of Oz.”
I breathe out a disbelieving laugh. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.So get yourself some damn ruby slippers,” she says, like I can order them online and they’ll show up at my doorstep tomorrow morning to make everything better. “Sweetie, if Eric is the guy you want, tell him how you feel. Give him a chance to be your person.”
I cover my face with my hands. “I don’t think I can. Besides, I’m having drinks with Bryan on Friday, which was the goal from the start. Eric’s coaching has done what it’s supposed to. The guy I want to be interested in me is interested.”
She shakes her head. “But he’s not the guy you want anymore.”
“I could want him. Ishouldwant him. Eric’s going to leave in a couple of weeks. And it doesn’t matter whether I’m wearing ruby slippers or snow boots. I’m going to go back to just being...me.”
“You’re enough,” she insists, and I wish I could believe her.
I shrug. “I’ve been here before, Sloane. I know how this story ends.”
“You can’t know?—”
“My first time was with a guy on the high school hockey team,” I blurt out.
I've never told anyone this before. Not my parents, not my siblings, not even my closest friends. I've spent years pretending I didn't date athletes because I thought they were jerks. It's easier to let everyone think I'm being a snob than admit I got my heart shattered by one of them.
“Oh, honey.”
“We were in the same grade, and he was super nice. Different than my brother and his meatstick buddies. Dad used to help out with the team, even after Toby graduated. He asked me to tutor this player—Jason. He was nice and funny and cute. He didn’t pretend not to know me in the halls like most hockey guys did. And whenstuffhappened, I thought it meant something.”
I bite down on the inside of my cheek when familiar ache spreads through my chest. “He never made any promises, just like Eric.” I force myself to smile. “But I let my desire, imagination, and a stupid, foolish heart get in the way of things, and it almost broke me. What if that same thing happens with Eric?”
“This isn’t high school, Taylor.”
“I know,” I whisper. “Which makes it ten times worse. I’m afraid if I say anything, I’ll lose Eric as a friend. I like being his friend almost as much as I like being in love with him. I don’t want to jeopardize that.”
She points her finger at the camera. “If you don’t risk, there’s no reward.”
“That’s not always true.” I shake my head. “There’s a lot of reward with Pop-Tarts, and they are very low risk.”
She bursts out laughing. “Only you, Tay-tay.”
“What can I say? I’m a simple girl.”
Sloane seems to consider that. “Maybe you’re making love too complicated. I’m no expert, because I have shit taste in guys, but you look happy. If there’s anything the big C has taught me so far, it’s that we don’t give happiness its due often enough. I can’t wait to see you on that stage. And not because I’m suddenly a fan of community theater.”
“Community theater is awesome,” I interrupt with jazz hands.
“Agree to disagree,” Sloane concedes. “I want to see your face when you check that challenge off your bucket list. And if Eric makes you happy, you can’t discount that.”
“It won’t make me happy when he leaves,” I say. “Or when he breaks my heart.”
“Risk and reward,” Sloane reminds me, then glances away from the camera. “I need to go, okay? But I’ll check in again.” She winks at me. “For the record, I don’t think those rosy cheeks and your glow are just from the cold.”
She’s right, of course. If Sloane can read me so easily through her computer, I wonder if it’s that obvious to everyone. How am I going to pump the brakes on falling when my feelings are gaining speed like a runaway train barreling down heartbreak mountain?
27
TAYLOR
