Page 52 of Say Something
Those thoughts...those memories...were why I was certain we would never work out. He must have harbored so much resentment towards me. What I saw that day at the farm was nothing. He must have had so much more to say to me. Right? I mean Danny was always perfect, but he wasn’tthatperfect, was he? So perfect that he’d completely forgive me?
He did seem to forgive me, though. The way he held me. The way he’d kissed my forehead. It felt like not a day had gone by. There was also the fact that he’d flat out told me he still loved me. That was no small thing. But you could love someone and still not forgive them, right? You could love them and still be so hurt from whatever it was that they did?
Part of me wanted to drive straight over to the farm and throw myself at his feet, begging his forgiveness. The sane, logical part of me drove straight back to the cottage and tucked myself into bed.
Alone.
The way I was destined to stay for the rest of my existence if I didn’t just forgivemyselfalready.
Danny had told me countless times that it wasn’t my fault. The infertility wasn’t my fault. I understood that and that wasn’t exactly what had me tied up in knots. My reaction...that was my fault. My actions. My rejection of Danny was all on me.Thatis what I had a hard time forgiving myself for.
He’d been my everything. I took him for granted. Maybe some selfish part of me thought that no matter what I did, he would always be there. He always was there...even before we were a couple...for as long as I could remember.
Until he wasn’t.
I laid in bed that night, restless, thinking of Danny. It was the place my mind always wandered to when I wasn’t careful. I thought about the what ifs and the could have beens.
But most of all...most of all I just missed Danny. I missed him so much.
