Page 109 of Help Me Remember
Everything he’s saying makes complete sense and it is exactly what someone who didn’t want to be caught would say. There are no witnesses, save for myself. So, what better way to make sure he knew the second I remembered what happened than to spend every day with me?
The two of us stare at each other, and then his shoulders fall. “Brielle, I need you to hear me. I didn’t want to lie. I had two choices, I do what I needed to in order to protect any case they might build or stay away from you. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t not . . . I couldn’t.”
“I can’t believe anything that’s coming out of your mouth. I d-don’t re-me-member everything. I-I have no grasp on what’s real.”
“Look at the photo,” he says. “Look at your smile. You are wearing that ring because, when I asked you to marry me, you said yes, Brielle.”
“That isn’t our reality now.”
“Why? Do you not love me? Did you not crave being around me? Feel safe in my arms and in every way?”
I shake my head. “You don’t get it, Spencer! The safety came from knowing that you were the one person I could trust. I could share myself, my fears, and my heart, and it was protected. Now, I have a million questions and I can’t ask you because I can’t be sure you’re giving me honest answers. How can I trust you?”
He sinks down in front of me, taking my hands in his. “I’ll tell you everything. I’ll spare nothing if that’s what you need.”
For weeks, I’ve been asking for this, and here it is. “Fine. How long have we been together?”
“Nine months before the murder.”
“And when did we get engaged?”
“Three days before that.”
I blink. “We were engaged for three days before I was hit with a gun and my brother was shot?” I pull my hands back, more sure than ever that my thoughts were right.
“Yes. We hadn’t even told anyone yet. Not a fucking soul knew that we were dating. Maybe your neighbor caught on about a week before, but that’s it. We agreed that we wanted to tell Isaac first.”
His name is like a low blow to the chest. Isaac never knew. I lied to him for nine months and apparently, I thought it was fine. I will never forgive myself for this. “No wonder I protected myself.”
Spencer flinches. “What does that mean?”
“Why I forgot. I knew it was wrong.”
“No, you forgot because some maniac assaulted you.” He stands. “You were happy. You and I . . . we were fucking happy. Nothing about what we did was wrong.”
“We are liars! We never told my brother. We snuck around behind his back. Addy, my mother, Emmett . . . we kept it from everyone, and for what? If it wasn’t wrong, then why?”
“Because we love each other!” He grips my shoulders. “We didn’t want anything to take that away.”
“Well, it did. It’s gone.”
I was engaged to the man who tried to kill me.
And then I remember the man who threw water balloons. The one who danced with me, held me, protected me.
Which is the truth?
I am going out of my fucking mind. I am crazy and irrational, but I literally can’t tell the truth from a lie. I don’t know if what I saw in the other room is another memory spliced together or if I’m going insane. It’s like the people in that picture are strangers, living a life that is wholly separate from mine. I have no idea who that girl is, but I know she isn’t me.
“Don’t say that.” Spencer’s voice shifts, noting the panic. “Don’t say it’s gone.”
I can’t do this.
Tears stream down my face, and all I want is to be alone and feel safe again.
I wish I never remembered anything.
When I pull my sweater tighter around me, the keys in my pocket seem to get heavier. I need to get out of here.
