Page 50 of You Loved Me Once
He shakes his head, lifts his gaze to me for a moment, and then back to his wife. “I just want you.”
I just want to leave this fucking room.
“I want you too, but this is important,” her fingers glide against the skin on his cheek. “It matters to me. We’re here for a reason and Dr. Adams is our best chance.”
“I love you,” he tells her again.
I close myself down, not wanting to hear another word. I’ve been trying to deal with all of this like a mature, professional woman, but this is too much. Hearing this is over the line.
“I love you more.”
“Until my last breath,” Bryce says, and I can’t stop myself.
I gasp as pain lances my already raw heart and I’m taken back to a memory I’ve long since tried to forget, thrusting me back into the past.
“I can’t go to Penn State with you.”
His eyes fill with confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t do it. My mother is sick and my family needs me.”
“I need you!”
I release a heavy breath and touch his face. “And I need you, but her cancer isn’t going to get better and I can’t imagine what this is doing to my dad.”
He steps back, disbelief etched in every part of his face. I know this isn’t ideal. It’s the last thing I wanted to do, but in my heart, I know it’s right. My mother gave everything to me. This is the least I can do.
“And what about our plans?”
“Plans change, Bryce. We’re not talking about forever. I’ll go to Northwestern, you can go to Penn State, and we’ll make it work—like you promised.”
That seems to deflate him a bit. “I just...I got us an apartment and I was ready for this.”
“I know, baby. I wanted all that too, but you understand, don’t you?”
“How far is it to Chicago from there?”
I close my eyes and breathe the word. “Eight.”
“Eight hours?”
“I don’t like this any more than you, but I’m asking you to not make this worse than it already is for me. I want us to work this out.”
We don’t fight. We never have. We talk and then we figure it out. This is not the Bryce I know and love. He’s always understanding, but right now, he’s making me feel guilty about something that’s out of my control.
“I just wantyou!” he yells.
“I’m not leaving you, I’m just going where I’m needed.”
He shakes his head and I can hear his rebuttal in my own. It took me two weeks to work up the courage to talk to him about this. The mere idea of leaving him tore me to shreds. After talking to my brother, I knew I had to do it. Everton said that Dad is close to tears each day and that Mom is barely holding on.
She’s sick from the chemo and the only hope they have is this trial she was accepted into.
My family needs help, and I’m able to give it.
“I’m not trying to be a selfish asshole, Chick. We just were building our life. We’re engaged and everything was laid out.” He runs his fingers through his dark hair and then sighs. “I’m sorry. I know this isn’t what you hoped for from me, and yes...we’ll figure it out. We’ll have to make whatever time we can see each other work.”
A tear falls down my face, and I rush to him. My lips touch his cheeks, nose, and then finally his mouth. “I love you, Bryce Peyton.”
