Page 4 of Could Have Been Us
“What’s that?”
She chews on her lower lip and then answers softly. “You want what Grayson and Jess will hopefully have. You want the marriage and kids and love.”
“They don’t have that,” I say quickly.
“I saidhopefully. But they’re trying to find a way. I think we know our siblings will figure it out sooner rather than later.”
I nod. “I hope so. Grayson has loved her his whole life.”
“And Jess loves him, but we’re not talking about them. We’re talking about you and what you want. I remember your dreams when we were kids, Stell. You forget that we don’t have secrets.”
My chest pangs because I do have one. A very big one.
“I appreciate you caring, and who knows, maybe one day I’ll meet my prince.”
Her face lights up. “Maybe it’ll be this guy.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
But probably not.
* * *
Tonight is pizza night at Grayson’s house, which I normally skip because I can only handle being around Jack so often, but since he’s out in the wilderness, pretending he’s some kind of bonding guide, I’m going to get some Amelia time.
I change out of my work clothes, tossing on a pair of leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, and then check the mail.
When I see the letter stamped from Georgia, I smile and rush to open it.
Dear Stella,
I hope this letter finds you well. We had a really exciting day today. Kinsley was accepted into the summer math program she applied to, which she says is, “Super cool.” How anyone can think math is fun is beyond me. She grew another inch—I swear, I can’t keep this girl in clothing more than a few weeks—and also asked if she could try out for the soccer team. I’m not sure how long this attempt will last, though. If you remember, she tried soccer last year and found that she really hated running. However, her father and I can’t deny her anything.
Samuel just took a new position at the company he’s with. It’s longer hours but the pay is better. For now, we are focusing on the fact that, in a few years, he can retire with a fabulous pension and health insurance, which helps with my treatments. That’s the mantra, at least. Things are well. Having cancer the first time was much worse than this go. My doctors are very hopeful about the prognosis.
How is Jack? Is he still being MacGyver in the woods? (Your words, not mine). It makes me smile knowing you both are doing so well. I have been debating writing him again. I know he doesn’t respond, I don’t even know if he opens them, but well, I don’t know, maybe it’s being sick again and seeing how precious time is that makes me keep wanting to try.
Anyway, I’m enclosing a few photos of Kinsley. She’s so much of you and Jack, it’s crazy. When she was a baby, she was more you, but as she’s growing, I see so much of Jack in her.
I apologize for this letter being so short, but lately I’ve been so tired and don’t have much to report. I await your next letter, and as always, we thank you so much for allowing us to be her parents. It warms my heart to know that should the day come that she wants to know about you and Jack, I can tell her how special you both are.
Love,
Misty
I sit at the counter, looking at the photos of Kinsley. Her hair is long and the same deep brown as mine, but her eyes are all Jack. Hazel with flecks of green mixed in and the thickest black around the iris. She’s stunning. Even at twelve years old, it’s clear she’s going to be a very beautiful young lady.
And smart, which is even better.
Her love of numbers definitely doesn’t come from me. Jack was an accountant before he became a wilderness guide.
I release a heavy sigh, laden with the guilt that still haunts me. While Kinsley is thriving and doing well, I’ve gotten older and even more listless.
She’s growing and becoming someone I will never know. Of course, Misty and Samuel have always been open in the spirit of what we asked for, but that was just the luck of choosing them. When the sixty-day period expired, we lost all rights to her. The fortunate part was picking two people who don’t have an ounce of malice in their hearts and show their appreciation by honoring an agreement we all know they don’t really have to. If Kinsley ever wants to know more about us, the option is there, but until then, I get photos and letters.
I’ve never asked for more, and I never will, mostly because of Jack. He chooses zero contact, and I understand it. It’s incredibly difficult being on this side. To see this girl in photos but never hear her voice or see her smile.
My phone pings with a text from Grayson.
